The Most Common Reason Friends Drift Apart as They Age, According to an Expert Doctor

As a writer for well over a decade, and as a mother, I’ve long understood that there’s no worry quite like when your child is hurting. 

That lived experience made this past year a particularly tough one for my family, as we navigated a concerning illness for my teenage daughter. My husband and I leaned on each other and our families, but there were times when I really needed the support of my girlfriends. Turning to mom friends in my neighborhood became my go-to. Our walks and talks were therapeutic outlets that bolstered my strength so I could be strong for my child.

In fact, research published in the Journal of Women & Aging in 2021 found that for women across age groups, having confidants is foundational to health. The article notes that communication with a “familiar” partner—a friend—helped lower stress-related hormones. Levels of cortisol—a hormone triggered by stress that can lead to sleep disturbances, weight gain and chronic health issues—were consistently lower when women talked with friends in comparison to strangers.

Now that my daughter is feeling better, the rough patch we went through made me reflect on how friendships can take a back seat when life is going along smoothly—especially as we get older.

“Most friendships don’t last forever,” Irene S. Levine, PhD, psychologist, author and scholar studying friendships, tells MyLifetime. As women graduate, move, develop careers and form relationships with partners, they grow and change. “The childhood friend to whom you were attached at the hip may live in another country, hold different values, or follow a different career path,” Dr. Levine says.

However, some experts suggest reframing friendship as a higher value—especially as the human lifespan grows longer. A 2025 study concluded that social ties need to be prioritized with age. Major life transitions “especially impact the lives of women,” the study authors said; while historically, changes in life circumstances have tended to narrow people’s social networks down to close family.

Below, Dr. Levine shares more about why friendships fade, how to keep them alive and how to make new ones as you age. 

“To keep a friendship alive, there have to be enough common threads,” Dr Levine says.

In addition, it’s easier to stay in touch when two people can get together, even periodically, and if their life circumstances (marital or parental status, geography, economic wherewithal) facilitate the friendship.

While friends in our generation navigate physical distance—often rooted in relocation for education or employment opportunities—Dr. Levine says technology has had a profound influence on friendships in ways both beneficial and not. “Communication can be asynchronous, which can make it more convenient, but it can hamper two people from having a continuous conversation without long-time gaps in between,” she says.

Individual communication styles dictate how satisfying it feels when one friend prefers texting, while the other likes to exchange voice notes. One may expect an instant response, but the other waits until they have quiet time to catch up on messages. One person may prefer long phone calls, but the other hates to talk on the phone. “So,” Dr. Levine says, “there can be a mismatch between two friends based on their communication preferences and styles.”

Keeping friendships strong relies on spending time together, Levine says: “While technology allows us to be connected, close relationships require ‘face time.’  An online friendship is not the same as having someone to take you to a doctor’s appointment when you’re nervous, or do something together spontaneously.”

“When a friendship ends badly, it is usually because of disagreement, disappointment or betrayal,” Dr. Levine says. “It’s more difficult to reconnect in these circumstances.” Arguably, it may be healthier to maintain space.

On the other hand, Dr. Levine says the most common reason for a friendship to grow distant is that two people simply drift apart because “one or both parties don’t have the motivation to keep it alive.” In this situation, the ending may be ambiguous—or, good news, even temporary. 

“The shared memories between long-term friends are priceless,” Dr. Levine says. Even if your life paths didn’t track identically—such as one got married young and had kids, while the other stayed single or had kids later in life—a re-convergence could happen if it’s important enough to both parties. “Making and maintaining adult friendships requires prioritizing them,” Dr. Levine says.  

“The best way to meet new friends is to pursue your interests and find kindred spirits who share them,” Dr. Levine says. 

Whether you’re invested in physical fitness, social causes, volunteering or taking classes to learn new skills, Dr. Levine believes the biggest key to forging deeper connections, new or old, is showing up.