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15 Reasons Why Gretchen Should Go Into Politics or Avoid Being Seen in Public Today
I’m going to keep this post short and sweet, mostly because Gretchen has taken away every desire I ever had to be long-winded, with her nonsensicalness in this episode.
Let’s (briefly) recap the Episode 5 shenanigans:
• Team “We’ve All Won Stuff and the Other Team Hasn’t” really consists of one person who won twice and two people who’ve won once.
• Thank god neither team picked ’50s Retro Leopard and Cheetah.
• Gretchen (a.k.a. “one person who won twice”) pontificates on how wonderful working together is, but is actually assuming the role of the leader and telling everyone what to do.
• Casanova thinks he’s fat and is tired of being told his clothes are not up to par by Tim Gum, Tim Gunn’s cousin who works for Wrigley.
• If Michael C. decided to go rogue and make ’50s Retro Leopard and Cheetah, it would have been fine, ’cause the guy has IMMUNITY. Meaning he is IMMUNE from going home, even if people think he can’t sew.
Now, on to the catwalk …
Team Military & Lace had it in the bag simply because each designer maintained their individuality in a unified, lacy front. Team Luxe was neither a team nor luxe. It was the Gretchen Show and it was filled with ho-hum textiles, many of which, if not all, were completely void of any individuality. Yes, they all sewed at a feverish, mass-assembly pace when they weren’t schooling or scolding Michael C., but at what cost to the overall effect?
Maybe I watch too many History Channel specials, but Gretchen Jones needs to run for office. She’ll be the most fashion-forward person on the Hill.
Gretchen has the misfortune of not only pulling a so-called “John Kerry” as self-appointed team spokesperson, flip-flopping from saying how much she loved the collection to saying how much she wanted to burn in it effigy 15 minutes later, but also becoming the William Henry Harrison of the runway. Harrison’s claim to fame is having served the shortest term as U.S. president (one month!), thanks to a two-hour-long inaugural address (the longest in American history) he gave in the freezing rain (that later killed him, but that’s neither here nor there). He spoke and spoke and spoke, much like Gretchen covered in rain, much like Gretchen’s tears, for hours.
I literally started watching the Team Luxe judging where Gretchen was commander-in-chief going down with the beloved sinking collection, left the room, ran a marathon, flossed, pondered the meaning of life and returned to find Gretchen still yapping. Except now she hated the Elderly 2010 she had created, and was pacing the catwalk pointing out all of the garments she had constructed.
Thankfully, this all helped paint for the judges a blinking neon sign of a picture of Gretchen’s serious backpedaling, but also exposed how A.J. had a hand in creating only one (but he French-seamed it!) shirt.
Tim Gunn’s farewell to A.J./kick in the pants to Gretchen backstage was epic. It summed up the opinion of every American, near and far, far and wide … If only he’d also told her to shut up.