Three Dog Nightmare
Boobs were the buzz
“Double D's” were double trouble
Josh scored with an LBD
Bryce was excused from the fashion buffet
I'm on the Highway to Hell
Heidi greets the exhausted designers in another sparkle jumpsuit with the message “Image is everything” and says that Tim is waiting for them in the Rockwood Music Hall. Cue the worried glances and muttering. At the music hall, Tim Gunn walks in and is joined by Peter Butler, who is the consulting stylist for Garnier. Confession time: I have a little crush on Peter; he is sweet and charming and handsome in person ... and his hair is perfect.
The challenge: Create a new image for an unsigned band, The Sheepdogs. The payoff for the win: an editorial in Marie Claire and Rolling Stone magazines, and the winning look will be worn at a Rolling Stone magazine event. Holy smokes!!!
Tim reaches into that doggone button bag to assemble two teams of four. Olivier, Viktor, Kimberly and Josh are “Team Untitled,” and Laura, Bert, Anthony Ryan and Anya are “Team Harmony.” Flashbacks to Bert and Anthony Ryan fighting scroll across the screen ... and the menswear panic sets in. At least the designers don't have to worry about cohesion. It is every “man” for himself.
I Ain't Got No Satisfaction
After a less-than-successful trip to Mood, the designers unpack their “treasures” in the workroom, and we see a whole lot of girly fabrics. Ugly girly fabrics.
Olivier is again gnashing his teeth over his model who is larger than the industry standard sample size. PLEEEEEASE! Olivier is a menswear designer and should be able to coast on this one; if only he could make peace with his burly man's more-than-waif figure. I believe he uses the term “plus size.”
Josh parades around in his man-panties, hoping to elicit envious gasps from his cast mates. They are gasping, all right ... at his gorilla legs. It is curious that a man who tweezes the way Josh does would not “manscape” from the neck down.
Enter Tim Gunn with Peter Butler in tow (I am in full-blown crush mode now) to help the designers update their rockers' hair, and all goes well.
Tim looks concerned here in the workroom, as well he should. There's a pile of girly ugly going on here. We have everything from purple blouses (Bert's word, not mine) to autumn tunics to cowboy pocket patches on a swan shirt. This runway show may be even more tragic than the stilt challenge. Olivier is still going on about his “plus size” model, who he calls “big” right to his face. Again, this guy could snap Olivier right in half. Panic has permeated the workroom ... as well it should.
Let Sleeping Sheepdogs Lie
It's runway time, and guest judge joins Heidi, Michael and Nina in the director's chairs. Adam has on less eyeliner than Josh; I think they are sizing each other up. Maybe it is my imagination. Maybe not.
Let's make this quick: I am a little queasy just looking at it all. It's not good.
TEAM HARMONY (Quoting the judges here)
Anthony Ryan: “Golden Girls” goes rock 'n' roll (Kors); girly blouse (Garcia)
Anya: Pocahontas with splitting pants (Nina)
Laura: Loved by all, except for the “Sweeney Todd” (Kors again) shirt
Bert: Rocker vibe highly praised. Who knew he had it in him? They even forgave the overuse of purple.
TEAM UNTITLED (Again, quotes from the panel)
Olivier: “Dad jeans,” says Heidi. A bad fit coming from a menswear designer. And enough about how “big” your client was deal with the client!
Kimberly: “Peter Brady at autumn harvest,” according to Kors bad giant buttons on a really girly shirt. Nina hates.
Viktor: The only one praised up and down. Killer biker jacket and great-fitting pants. Unfortunate fabric for the shirt.
Josh: Heidi loves the crotch zipper, andAdam thinks it is sexy; Josh agrees. Again, do we have a little eyelash-batting from Josh to Adam?
Viktor gets the win and the incredible prize of the two editorials and live performance. The jacket was fabulous, and the pants were well done. Fresh denim can go nerdy quite easily; just ask the other designers. Michael called it “Mad Max meets Woodstock.”
No Grammy for These Jammies
Poor nervous, time-challenged Olivier lands at the bottom of the charts for his “Dad jeans” and girly too-short, too-feminine shirt and is sent to tidy his workroom table. It is an expected departure for the menswear designer of the group. It was just way off-key (puns are over, I promise).
Next Week: A blast from the past ...