Project Runway
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Peach Carr Blog
Like Riding a Psychotic Horse Into Hell
Let's reminisce:
Viktor wowed ... he's in.
Josh impressed ... he's in.
Kimberly struggled ... she's in.
Anya mostly dropped the ball ... she's also in.
... And They're Off!
In the aftermath of the three-piece mini-collection judging, we find that Josh is still hating on Anya, while he really should be focusing on fixing the back of that jumpsuit. Viktor is confident in his skills and esthetic. Kimberly is panicked. Anya is deflated.
Enter Tim Gunn with a surprise. Last year it was a trip for the finalists; this year it is a bonus trip to Mood with $500. Really? Has this ever happened before? With two days before the final runway show, the designers have a chance to edit and change their collections to please the judges. Kimberly feels that this opportunity "levels the playing field." Bet Mondo would have loved that opportunity.
Insanity Doesn't Run in This Bunch, It Practically Gallops
Post–Mood shopping frenzy, the designers are as focused as nut-gathering squirrels in the fall. Enter Peter Butler (do I need to repeat that I have a thing for him?). He brings a bucket of water to the fire by offering styling advice for the big show. Peace doesn't last long, as Josh is having one of his meltdowns; Viktor tries to help him focus, and Anya comforts our resident diva. All hatchets appeared to be buried. Josh does show a glimmer of humor when he tells himself to "take a nap."
In the Home Stretch
The day before Lincoln Center, it is tough-love time for the designers, courtesy of Mr. Gunn.
Kimberly: Tim tries to persuade her to change the "booty skirt," but our girl is visibly fried, and I think it shows here. Am worried about her at this point.
Anya: The black and white prints are a welcome change, but she admits it isn't her best work. She has made several new looks in two days ... it can't be her best work.
Viktor: He has decided to remove some of the pieces made from his custom prints as well as a fabulous-looking black leather vest. Viktor seems to be letting all those opinions cloud his vision. His construction is flawless.
Josh: Tim declares that neon-green knit to be peculiar ... a delicate way of tagging it "ugly."
Panic is the color of the day, as most have much to do, and we are hoping not to see any safety pins tomorrow. Visions of Nina with a giant magnet in the front row, right?
Place Your Bets
The vibe is electric at Lincoln Center as Heidi (OMG) lights up the runway in her supermodel way. That sparkly black jumpsuit is killer. She is joined by the ever chic Nina and Michael ... and L'Wren Scott. The audience gasps, for Ms. Scott is as stunning as any human could be. What a smashing choice.
On to the collections …
KIMBERLY: A fun and hip vibe, although I wasn't crazy about her color palette. She had two killer looks: the white pants and top were perfection, and that black gown was stunning. Thank you, Kimberly, for reminding us why we have loved you from the beginning.
JOSH: The neoprene and plastic pieces were the stars of this collection. Am crazy about the plastic tortoise/green top and the neoprene jacket; all well-executed and modern. I was appalled, however, at those green shorts, which gave his model thunder thighs. I felt that this collection was too many trends rolled into one ball.
VIKTOR: His custom print pieces were lovely, as were the mirrored looks. That white jacket is perfection, and is some of the finest tailoring and fit I have seen since Christian Siriano and Laura Bennett. Viktor, get that white jacket made for Heidi!
ANYA: Her opening look was stunning, and her prints were sharp, although I got weary of seeing too much of the same look, piece after piece. Loved the bathing suit and the brown print pieces.The last dress, however, was an odd choice for the finale piece, as I felt it was one of her weakest.
Also-RansHeidi declares "There are no losers" and hands down the decision:
Kimberly is out. She is praised for her sexy, modern POV, but the judges feel she is not quite "there" yet.
Viktor is out. His tailoring was polished and his printed looks fantastic, but the judges felt no connection within his collection.
Josh is out. His vision was considered to be fresh and interesting. Josh was voted "Best styling of the day."
The Winner by a Nose
Anya receives the crown that evaded her during the Miss Universe Pageant! She is praised by all for her Caribbean vibe and ease. The judges all see her future in the fashion industry as bright, and Kors tells Anya that this is "just the beginning."
So, another season ends ... are you hungry for more, or are you satisfied?
There’s No Place Like Home
Recap:
Josh was the big whiner.
Anya was the big winner.
Laura was out.
Nothing Like a Little Buzzkill
We open with fashion's golden goddess standing on the runway. She delivers to the widely grinning designers the news that there will only be THREE designers showing at Fashion Week. The. Bubble. Bursts. Did you really think that all four were going to get a ticket in? Come, now, you have been watching this show long enough.
So the designers all head home to make their collections and wait for Tim Gunn's visit.
Not as Easy as It Seams
Home visits in a nutshell …
Kimberly: Her inspiration is a "pre-gentrified" Brooklyn girl. Tim is concerned about her missing "wow" factor and her color palette; so am I. Our girl is in trouble here. Where are her magnificent pants? Her skills aren't showing here, and we all know she has them.
Anya: Inspired by a scuba diving trip to Tobago. Tim admires her prints and asks to see her work. She has not one garment done. There are only two weeks left. Anya is warned about the rules: no outside help. She is in an artistic rut and hasn't even sketched. Tim is growing paler by the minute.
Viktor: Inspired by a trip to Guadalajara. At first look, we feel better. Viktor's collection is what we would expect: original prints, meticulous execution and tasteful. That white leather jacket is an item that will sell so fast it would make you dizzy, no matter the cost. Beautiful work here. Tim is so impressed that he thinks Viktor will "knock their F-ing socks off." Tim, you devil.
Josh: Clearly no inspiration mentioned ... just cranking out pieces, it seems. Tim's expression gets more priceless with every piece Josh reveals and subsequently discards. The collection is a heap of tacky textiles. Tim pronounces that Josh's central print is the "homeliest textile" he has ever seen. Ouch. Josh also has a lot of work to do in two weeks. Is it me, or does it appear that Josh has switched to a more subtle shade of bronzer? I digress.
Lincoln Center or Bust
Our chipper "it" girl greets the high-flying final four contestants in what appears to be a Mondo Guerra sugar skull top (am I wrong?) and leggings, eager to get this show on the road. The usual suspects are judging, all looking like they had a little canary for lunch.
The show, again, is a combination of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
1. Viktor throws down the proverbial gauntlet with a cohesive, impeccably made trio. Michael thinks that the zip leather skirt is overkill. So do I. The dress stands on its own, but I see where he was going. To no one's surprise, Heidi dons that magnificent Balmain-inspired jacket. Viktor leaves us wanting to see more. The judges are pleased, and Michael advises Viktor to make black slacks and a tee for the white jacket.
2. Anya is next and presents a WTH? mini-collection. The first dress is certainly her esthetic; anyone could wear that darling little dress. Then the rest is a mess. The bathing suit is nothing new, and her gold gown doesn't work at all. Poor fabric choice for her, and poor construction. Where is that free-spirited sprite of a designer? It seems that she was trying so hard to impress that she lost herself along the way. Michael exclaims that the gown looks "tortured." Nina wants Anya to embrace herself. So do we. This is so not "her."
3. Kimberly follows with a one-dress-success, as well. The black sparkle dress is lovely, but the other two looks fail to impress. Heidi thinks that the bubble skirt looks like a cartoon; I couldn't agree more. Nina warns Kimberly to lose the accessories — the giant earrings and enormous bags are overkill personified. There is so much cobalt blue going on that Kors thinks one of the models looks like she has "club foot." Again, we want more of those fabulous pants from her.
4. Josh finishes the day with a great jacket, passable neoprene LBD and a jumpsuit that looks great from the front (love the plastic) but a disaster (Kors, here) in the back. This would have been a real stunner if the model didn't have to turn around. Josh is praised for his clean styling and seems to feel as though he has this thing in the bag. Perhaps his guyliner is seeping into his pores; nothing is ever a sure thing on "Project Runway." Except Christian Siriano. Slam. Dunk.
Never Let Them See You Sweat
Josh is in ...
Viktor is in ...
Kimberly is in ... and after a very long and dramatic wait ...
Anya is in.
Next week: A happy ending for one.
The Last Supper
A little regurgitation of last week:
Kimberly molted.
Bert bolted.
Anya padded her nest egg.
A Blank Canvas
The final five (we will hear this phrase a lot this episode) travel to Governors Island (a playground for the arts) to receive their final challenge. Standing beside Tim are Leslie Koch, president of The Trust for Governors Island, and John Stern, president of Storm King Art Center. The challenge: create three looks inspired by the art you see here in the park. This is a two-day challenge, and the designers are encouraged to show range with their mini-collection. Armed with cameras, the hopefuls hop into golf carts to explore and photo their surroundings, then off to Mood with $500.
Vermeer Had the Girl With the Pearl Earring ...
The instant the designers hit the workroom, Tim appears with the you-know-what in his hand. Eyes roll. Now, you and I both know that these people are too tired to make three looks solo, so in walk the last five contestants eliminated. Tim reaches into the bag to determine selection order. We have:
Kimberly & Becky
Viktor & Olivier
Laura & Anthony Ryan
Anya & Bert
Josh & Bryce
Anya made the smartest choice: Bert is a lovely tailor; her vision and his skills are a killer combo. Olivier is a great tailor as well, but Viktor is going to have to hold his hand over the fire to get him moving. The only sound bite we get from Olivier is him griping about being a slave. Puleese! But you just know that a great jacket is going to come out of this team. Josh's panties are still in a big bunch over Anya's win last week ... time to hit the "mute" button. Am sooooo over him and his just-hand-me-the-title attitude. It's time he delivered. Bryce's main role is to hide Josh's BeDazzler and stop him from making yet another circle skirt.
Kimberly is in real trouble today, running around with the focus of a squirrel in the middle of the road. Becky is patient with her but doesn't seem to be helping much; she needs to grab Kim, shake her and tell her to "snap out of it." Laura is also a little all-over-the-place, and the look on her face tells us she knows it.
Starry, Starry Nightmare
The super-chic Zoe Saldana is the guest judge tonight, and I do admit I let an audible sigh escape when she appeared: She's flawless.
The show begins and, yet again, we have a mixed bag trotting down the runway. All the designers had some highs and lows with one exception: Anya. Her collection was chic, modern and sophisticated. I don't care about her lack of sewing skills. Tonight she proved that she has a sophisticated and fashion-forward point of view. Bert executed the looks beautifully for the time restrictions. Anya, honey, you don't have a thing to worry about: You have a future in fashion.
Viktor's collection was beautifully done but not exciting enough volume for the judges. Kimberly had a high with her cocktail dress, and a low with her "orange paper towel" dress, according to Michael. Laura's circle cocktail dress was a hit, while Michael thought she choked with the rest of her looks. Josh was praised for his chic little white dress and silver gown, but otherwise disappointed the judges. Anya got high marks across the board. She also got the most votes from her contemporaries for "who should go to Lincoln Center."
Masterpiece
Anya, Viktor, Josh and Kimberly are going to Lincoln Center.
The Scream
Laura packs her easel. I am sorry to see her get the ax at this point, as she cracked me up, and I believe she is talented and has a huge heart. You can clearly see Laura is passionate about her work, and we will see great things from her in the future.
Next week: the home visits!!!
A Bird in the Hand Is Worth 20,000 in the Bush
Leftovers from last week:
- Anya and Bert will peddle their wares on Piperlime
- Anthony Ryan will pedal his way home
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Heidi starts off the episode by telling the designers, "Spread your wings" and not one of them thinks "bird"... honestly. In the workroom,Tim is joined by three screeching birds and Collier Strong, head consulting makeup artist for L'Oréal Paris. LOVE HIM.
Tim lays out the challenge: The exotic birds are to serve as inspiration for a high-fashion advertorial in Marie Claire magazine. There is also a $20,000 prize for the winner. What, no yacht?
The remaining designers are paired up, each pair is assigned a bird and they are to compete beak-to-beak. This is a two-day challenge, and Collier will consult on the makeup. Off they go to Mood with $300 under their wings.
Pecking Order
Things in the workroom are sticky-sweet, but you can see the designers circling one another. Perhaps we will see a cage fight?
Tim strolls in and uses the phrase "fiercely competitive" more than once, and then announces that the designers must create another look to walk the runway with another $300. Jaws dropping all around. Honestly, Josh should have jumped up right there and planted one on Tim, because there was a healthy pile of green crap on his dress form. Maybe he can redeem himself with something less tacky?
Beauty Queen vs. Cockroach ... My Money's on the Beauty Queen
Things are a snooze in the workroom (as they have been for quite some time) until a visitor arrives in the form of a New York–sized cockroach. Kimberly is up on the table in a New York minute, and the girls are all screaming (Josh is the loudest). Anya the delicate flower walks over and kills the thing with her shoe in two hits. Surprised she didn't scoop it up and use it for a brooch. She has a cute LBD on her dress form but cannot figure how to get her model in or out of it. A zipper must be out of the question.
Yes, it looked fashion-forward, but if she can't execute it, is it a success? If the designers weren't expected to successfully sew their own garments, they would have been given a tailor chained to their table. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was a great look in the end, but was it an accident or a design? I can see why Viktor, the most talented technician by far, is frustrated.
La Cage Aux Folles Down
Talented guest judge Francisco Costa is seated and ready for the runway, along with the usual suspects, to watch the show.
On the runway:
I personally loved what Kimberly did with polyester and three hours. It sure topped most of what was dragged down the runway. I, like Michael Kors, wasn't crazy about the trim, but I can see that dress being produced and worn by a vast array of women. Besides, she didn't get too literal with the challenge, for which I applaud her. I would have probably given her the win. Don't get me wrong, I liked Anya's dress. Very much. Those little sleeve-things bugged me.
Bert earned "lame duck" status with his drab and seen-so-many-times-before gown. Laura missed the mark with those painted-on pants and "feathers" at the blazer neck. Viktor had mad skills, but his look made his model look huge ... and she's a model. Besides, it was too literal for my taste, and too expected for an entry this late in the game. Viktor is much better than that. Josh tossed that green mess and walked his chic orange draped look instead. He should have ditched the (Kors here) "'drunk in the Caribbean' corsage." At least he laid off the rhinestones.
Now, can we address a line uttered by Michael Kors that is just too delicious to let go? We will: At one point in the judging Kors exclaimed that he is "a very orange kind of guy." Talk amongst yourselves.
A Good Egg
Anya and her LBD are given the win and the coins. Josh is unhappy, to say the least, and doesn't offer even a fake "congrats" to her.
Laid an Egg
Bert and his "Wonder Woman reptilian corset" (Kors and Garcia) gown flew the coop.
Next week:
The final challenge: create 3 looks with an "assistant" from their past. Hmmmmm.
Back to the Future
Last Week:
Everyone shopped at the Brady Bunch Thrift Shop
Viktor rocked it
Olivier hit a sour note
"The Thrill Is Gone"
Heidi and her stilettos tell the designers to "Look to the past" for their next challenge: the '70s. Mixed reactions all around, as they royally butchered '70s wear just last week.
Tim is in the workroom with Piperlime apparel buyer Heather Archibald. The details of the task: create a look reflecting the '70s revival in a sophisticated way, without going too retro. The winning look will be produced and sold on Piperlime.com. Is it me, or are these rewards getting bigger every week? What's next, a yacht?
"Bridge Over Troubled Water"
Off the designers go to Mood armed with $100. Josh is whining about not knowing anything about '70s fashion. REALLY? What serious designer is ignorant of fashion history? My 17-year-old can fill him in. Josh: Call Molly.
The designers storm Mood with their money in hand, or in Anya's case, in breast. With five minutes left, Anya discovers that her money envelope is gone. How the "H" has no one found it? Is the envelope stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe because of a piece of gum? Did Swatch eat it? CRAZY. Anya is in full panic mode. The only one left with some spare change is Anthony Ryan, who gives the poor girl $11. Love him. Tim tells her that she can also use muslin. Tears. Anya is praised for her generosity in the past. More tears.
"You Can't Always Get What You Want"
In the sweatshop workroom, everyone is offering Anya their extra fabric, but she sticks to her original plan: use the $11 fabric and dye some muslin. Viktor is sniffing about not helping Anya because "This is a competition." She dropped her money. Believe me, I clutched that envelope like it was life support. Viktor is getting petty for someone so talented. Laura, on the other hand, is encouraging Anya, who is still teary.
Josh is skulking around checking everyone's work, and the designers are leery of him stealing ideas. You can tell that everyone is sick of him. Especially Viktor.
"Disco Inferno"
Enter the divine Mr. Gunn to hand out another piece of the challenge: create a second look for $50. Back to Mood. Anya has stapled her money to her chest.
"Rocky Mountain High"
It's Runway time. Heidi, in a killer dress and flawless hair, greets guest judge Olivia Palermo, a stunning über-qualified celeb and guest editor for Piperlime. The show begins, and I find myself scratching my head at some of the looks. Maybe it is because I was a kid in the '70s.
Going straight to DVD:
Kimberly was sent to safety. Did no one else see the opening in the front of the vest?
Laura and Anthony Ryan got lost along the timeline, and Josh went just plain crazy with those insane pants, which evoked the highest-pitched scream we have heard from Kors yet. Dogs in the neighborhood came running.
Anthony Ryan told the judges that he was going in the "weed smoking" direction; Kors agreed about the weed and then gasped at the back of the unfortunate skirt. To A.R: Honey, I have made a skirt like that ... it too hurts Michael's eyes.
Nina got in her licks with Laura, calling the chevron top a "prison uniform." Evidently Nina has issues with Laura's taste level. Olivia, with her keen eye, was just as disappointed in these three.
Up for the Oscar:
Viktor impressed all with his mad tailoring skills, but it needed to be sexier. Would have loved to see a little color here.
Anya was getting love for her two looks, even the giant jumpsuit. Loved the fabric, but didn't it seem like all the models could have worn it at the same time? She did not crumble under pressure. Good girl.
Bert was praised for his "Roller Barbie" (thanks, Laura) booty short look, and all loved his simple little dress.
"Stayin' Alive"
Anya is handed the win, and her jumpsuit will be sold on Piperlime.com. Bert is also rewarded for his little dress, which will also appear on the website.
"Dust in the Wind"
Anthony Ryan leaves with the charm and grace you would expect from someone so well loved. His kindness and genuinely sweet disposition will be sorely missed; I am sad to see him go.
Three Dog Nightmare
To recap:
Boobs were the buzz
“Double D's” were double trouble
Josh scored with an LBD
Bryce was excused from the fashion buffet
I'm on the Highway to Hell
Heidi greets the exhausted designers in another sparkle jumpsuit with the message “Image is everything” and says that Tim is waiting for them in the Rockwood Music Hall. Cue the worried glances and muttering. At the music hall, Tim Gunn walks in and is joined by Peter Butler, who is the consulting stylist for Garnier. Confession time: I have a little crush on Peter; he is sweet and charming and handsome in person ... and his hair is perfect.
The challenge: Create a new image for an unsigned band, The Sheepdogs. The payoff for the win: an editorial in Marie Claire and Rolling Stone magazines, and the winning look will be worn at a Rolling Stone magazine event. Holy smokes!!!
Tim reaches into that doggone button bag to assemble two teams of four. Olivier, Viktor, Kimberly and Josh are “Team Untitled,” and Laura, Bert, Anthony Ryan and Anya are “Team Harmony.” Flashbacks to Bert and Anthony Ryan fighting scroll across the screen ... and the menswear panic sets in. At least the designers don't have to worry about cohesion. It is every “man” for himself.
I Ain't Got No Satisfaction
After a less-than-successful trip to Mood, the designers unpack their “treasures” in the workroom, and we see a whole lot of girly fabrics. Ugly girly fabrics.
Olivier is again gnashing his teeth over his model who is larger than the industry standard sample size. PLEEEEEASE! Olivier is a menswear designer and should be able to coast on this one; if only he could make peace with his burly man's more-than-waif figure. I believe he uses the term “plus size.”
Josh parades around in his man-panties, hoping to elicit envious gasps from his cast mates. They are gasping, all right ... at his gorilla legs. It is curious that a man who tweezes the way Josh does would not “manscape” from the neck down.
Under Pressure
Enter Tim Gunn with Peter Butler in tow (I am in full-blown crush mode now) to help the designers update their rockers' hair, and all goes well.
Tim looks concerned here in the workroom, as well he should. There's a pile of girly ugly going on here. We have everything from purple blouses (Bert's word, not mine) to autumn tunics to cowboy pocket patches on a swan shirt. This runway show may be even more tragic than the stilt challenge. Olivier is still going on about his “plus size” model, who he calls “big” right to his face. Again, this guy could snap Olivier right in half. Panic has permeated the workroom ... as well it should.
Let Sleeping Sheepdogs Lie
It's runway time, and guest judge joins Heidi, Michael and Nina in the director's chairs. Adam has on less eyeliner than Josh; I think they are sizing each other up. Maybe it is my imagination. Maybe not.
Let's make this quick: I am a little queasy just looking at it all. It's not good.
TEAM HARMONY (Quoting the judges here)
Anthony Ryan: “Golden Girls” goes rock 'n' roll (Kors); girly blouse (Garcia)
Anya: Pocahontas with splitting pants (Nina)
Laura: Loved by all, except for the “Sweeney Todd” (Kors again) shirt
Bert: Rocker vibe highly praised. Who knew he had it in him? They even forgave the overuse of purple.
TEAM UNTITLED (Again, quotes from the panel)
Olivier: “Dad jeans,” says Heidi. A bad fit coming from a menswear designer. And enough about how “big” your client was — deal with the client!
Kimberly: “Peter Brady at autumn harvest,” according to Kors — bad giant buttons on a really girly shirt. Nina hates.
Viktor: The only one praised up and down. Killer biker jacket and great-fitting pants. Unfortunate fabric for the shirt.
Josh: Heidi loves the crotch zipper, andAdam thinks it is sexy; Josh agrees.
Again, do we have a little eyelash-batting from Josh to Adam?
Going Platinum
Viktor gets the win and the incredible prize of the two editorials and live performance. The jacket was fabulous, and the pants were well done. Fresh denim can go nerdy quite easily; just ask the other designers. Michael called it “Mad Max meets Woodstock.”
No Grammy for These Jammies
Poor nervous, time-challenged Olivier lands at the bottom of the charts for his “Dad jeans” and girly too-short, too-feminine shirt and is sent to tidy his workroom table. It is an expected departure for the menswear designer of the group. It was just way off-key (puns are over, I promise).
Next Week: A blast from the past ...
It's Raining Men
Last week in a nutshell:
Josh was nasty.
Bert didn’t take the bait.
Anya won.
Becky was “cancelled.”
Dude Looks Like a Lady
Heidi steps onto the runway in a little number that shows off a pair of stems for which she should call her parents in gratitude for the killer genes. She is swinging that button bag again. The designers are no longer smiling, and when Heidi announces that the models have the day off, brow sweat starts to form. Then, out comes a parade of dudes. Cleanup in aisle 7! ... we have puddles on the floor. Olivier is concerned that these “fat” men will be difficult to design for. Does he not realize that any one of these guys could snap him like a twig for calling them “fat?” Most likely he has changed his phone number by now. Maybe a mustache will help.
Not to worry: For this challenge, the designers must create a look for the spouses and girlfriends of these guys. WHEW! There will be two days for the challenge, and the women will model. After a brief consultation with the guys, the designers head off to Mood, men in tow.
Colonel Sanders Was Never This Obsessed
The workroom is buzzing with testosterone ... never in “Project Runway” history has the word “breast” been tossed around so much; of this I am sure. Bert’s dude wanted to show off his “hot piece of tushy,” and Olivier is terrified of his model’s DD cup size. He even goes so far as to ask Tim Gunn for cup size clarification. Tim responds beautifully by telling Olivier that he has no personal experience with the subject. Exit Tim, shaking his head. Exit Olivier, shaking and clutching his fabric.
Thanks for the Mammaries
In the workroom it is construction time, and of course there is more cup-size talk ... it’s like a frat house during sorority rush. Bert is mildly amused by his client’s antics (assaulting the dress form’s upper torso — you know what I mean) and tries very hard to hide it. Bert is patient, but you know he wants it all to stop. Enter the women in all shapes and sizes.
Some have opinions, but most are happy with the direction in which their designer is heading — except, of course, sweating Olivier’s client. She has opinions about EVERYTHING. I am worried that we will soon see Olivier sporting no hair but a tiny patch. He doesn’t know how to deal with a real client and is fighting it all the way.
Viktor seems to have nailed this challenge, creating a look that makes it appear that this woman has been his client for years. Laura seems to have drawn her perfect client. It's like Barbie is dressing Barbie ... in a good way. Bryce is clearly struggling here, and has made two pink puckered messes. He also seems over the whole thing. Josh chucked the bedazzler and has created an LBD for his modest and darling client. Safe but cute.
"Bust" a Move
It’s runway day, and Olivier and Kimberly are stitching their looks as the models are walking out the door. Tim is not pleased.
The guest judge is actress Malin Akerman, working an on-trend red dress. The runway may have been walked by everyday women, but these women all strutted their stuff and seemed to be having a blast. Afterward, Laura, Kimberly and Olivier are safe.
On Top are:
Anya for her artsy and unusual print dress. The one sleeve bothered most of the judges. Her model had a great figure and cut arms; the one sleeve was an awkward and unusual choice. I am really liking Anya, though, at this point.
Josh for his chic LBD. We have seen many like this, but the lace he used was perfect. He nailed his client’s style, and as Tim pointed out, she didn’t need a bra after all.
Viktor for his impeccably tailored blouse and skirt. This was my favorite look of the night. It was the right look for the right woman. I agree that she needed to take off the glasses ... and the necklace. It was just too much.
At the Bottom of the Heap:
Bert for his pedestrian short tight shiny dress. Heidi likes the length, and Michael chimes in with a playful dig at Heidi’s almost nonexistent skirt. Hell, with legs like hers, who needs a skirt?
Bryce for his unfortunate pink mess with huge pockets. Kors suggests that the model could clear off a buffet table (grab a lamb chop and a beer) and walk away with it all in those pockets. Nina exclaims that the dress is wearing her. Heidi is equally displeased.
Anthony Ryan for a look that evoked: a cheerleader, an 80-year-old playing bingo and a superhero ice skater. He looks defeated and takes it on the chin well.
In Like a Lion ... Out Like a Lamb Chop
The winner: Josh and his LBD.
Leaving the buffet: Bryce and his Pepto-Dismal dress. He is a real sweetie, and he will be missed.
Next Week: ANOTHER team challenge ...
If at First You Don’t Succeed, Fight, Fight Again
Last week in a nutshell:
Kids with paint
Designers with Xanax
Anthony Ryan gets an extra study hall
Josh C. is expelled
Button Bag From Hell
We open this week with Josh M. whining about not winning the last challenge, and we get the feeling that his knickers are in a twist ... and it looks as though they will stay this way. And it hurts.
Later, at Parsons, Heidi appears with that dreaded button bag. Man, how the designers hate that button bag. Turns out that they have a good reason ... another team challenge: teams of five, with no leaders. Teams are chosen, and quelle surprise: Bert is last. Again. Maybe he should have learned some of his fellow designers' names.
In the workroom, Tim hands out the challenge: Each team will design custom fabrics, choose three and make five looks for a cohesive show, make a video for the backdrop and choose the music. Ahhhh, so many opportunities to butt heads. Enter Betsey Johnson (a personal fave) to show the designers how to have fun with prints, cooperate with each other and do a killer cartwheel on the runway.
Joan Crawford Would Be Proud
Anthony Ryan, Viktor, Bryce and Anya (Team Chaos) spend their day loving each other up and braiding one another's hair.
Josh, Laura, Kimberly, Becky and Bert (Team Nuts and Bolts) are trying to decide whose print is the least lame; Bert mutters something about his F@*&#! print not coming out of the printer ... and Josh goes off like a nun (add a touch of Norma Desmond) with a bar of soap for Bert's mouth. To Bert's credit (yes, I said it), he doesn't take the bait. Josh's tantrum continues, and now we have a visual of Joan Crawford holding a pile of wire hangers. Please make it stop.
Later we have another Norma Desmond moment from Josh, with a public apology for his behavior. Pleeeeeease make it stop. Then he and Bert hug it out.
Is It a Collection or an Infection???
Let's cut to the runway, because after all, it is supposed to be about fashion ... right?
Designer Rachel Roy (red hot right now) and the beautiful actress Rose Byrne are joining the usual cast of characters judges tonight. Do you get the feeling that an extra judge has been added to avoid more "2 against 1" decisions?
Team Nuts and Bolts starts the show with a confusing mess of a collection. We have some unfortunate prints, wonky construction and questionable taste ... but the styling is praised.
Team Chaos fares much better, with a sharp cohesive collection with a modern vibe that evokes the team's name ... in a good way. No nail-biter here to see which team is going to win.
A Well-Oiled Machine
Team Chaos is praised for their teamwork, sharp prints and beautiful construction, and asked to vote for a team winner. All vote for themselves, except for Bryce, who names Anya. The favorites of the team are Olivier, for his impeccably tailored jacket; Viktor, whose inkblot evening gown was a standout; and Anya, for her little print dress. It is Anya who is declared the winner for her mixed print dress. I am liking Anya more and more, but I didn't see her getting the win for this challenge.
The Clunker
Team Nuts and Bolts takes turns pointing the finger (surprised?) at each other for the disaster that is their collection. Becky, as Kors puts it, has put "'cancelled' on her model's crotch" and is clearly in trouble for her snooze of a design.
When he hears the wheels of the proverbial bus approaching, Josh takes a last desperate moment to pat himself on his back for a job well done. In fact, he pats himself so hard that I feared he would cough up a lung.
To the Junkyard
Alas, it is Becky who is taken out of the race.
Next Week ...
The designers get some direction from the "man on the street."
Works and Plays Well With Others
To regurgitate last week’s drama:
Bert: Holier than thou
Josh: Meaner than dirt
Becky: Sobbing in the potty
Danielle: Took her chiffon and went home
Hang It on the Fridge
As Heidi dishes out the next challenge, we see the camera scanning the designers, surely looking for any shiners left over from an off-camera confrontation from last week. Nothing.
The challenge is handed out on location: The Harlem School of the Arts. The designers are told that they must collaborate with their assigned student to create a painting that will serve as inspiration for an avant-garde look. Children ... they intimidate some people and terrify others, namely Viktor; hence the “Jaws” theme playing in the background when he speaks. No one tells him that kids are just as afraid of you as you are of them. Just don’t corner one; they bite.
On the Playground
After a non-eventful trip to Mood, our Rembrandts unpack their bags of feathers and fur and leather ... because they need to be “edgy” this week. This does not bode well for the runway. Michael just LOVES red and black faux fur. Josh C. takes a strip and puts it on his head in a faux-hawk, and it looks like it just may be the best part of his garment.
HRH Josh M. is busy waxing on about how if Becky succeeds in this challenge it will most likely be because of his direction last week. He directed her right into the bathroom in tears after referring to her work as “dowdy” to her face. And then he was given the win. She probably did learn something.
I am relatively certain that Xanax was the coffee creamer of choice today, because everyone is playing nicely in the sandbox. Laura makes a point of being sweet to Bert, and Bert is Mr. Cartwheels and Puppies. Josh M. doesn’t even try to make anyone cry. Hmmmmm ....
Olivier is busted for gluing his dress to his model’s breast. What, no staple gun?
Report Card Day
Joining the usual crew are the stunning Zanna Roberts Rossi (adore her) and the Divine Kenneth Cole as today’s guest judges — great choices.
Let’s do a quick report card on some of the highs and lows:
Gold Stars For:
Laura: A+ Although not chic, it did rise to the challenge, and I loved the boning idea. Well done.
Josh M.: A The judges loved the painted skirt, but Michael ripped him for his “Tim Burton” styling.
Anthony Ryan: A+ Judges loved it, and it was the most chic of the bunch.
The Paste Eaters:
Bert: D Michael’s voice reached a whole new octave when he saw the “Teletubby cocktail party pants.” Zanna told Heidi that she would look like she WAS Baby #5 in them.
Josh C: D- Zanna called it “trashy,” Cole called it “Awkward Dominatrix” and Kors dubbed it “Victorian cocktail waitress” ... ouch.
Olivier: D Besides the fact that the skirt was so poorly done that his model’s undies showed when she walked, Heidi said it was sad and cheap and boring. Kenneth Cole thought it was just too much. Michael called Olivier’s creations “Valium clothes.”
Worthy of a Macaroni Necklace:
Anthony Ryan is crowned the winner (and declares himself a bride), and ...
Chosen Last for Dodgeball:
The bad news: Josh is out once again.
The good news: He says that it gets easier every time you are sent home.
Next Week ... One step closer to Fashion Week.
There's No "Bert" in "Team"
A review of last week:
Nina: bored
Heidi: not impressed
Michael: hilarious
Joanna: more hilarious
Kerry: sweet
Julie: OUT
There's No Place Like Home
Morning finds the designers waking up to a gift of running attire and an invitation to join Heidi and Tim at the New Balance Armory. Cecilia drags her carcass out of bed in what one would assume is a hypoglycemic death spiral. She is done. Done. At the track, Cecilia tells Heidi and Tim that she would like to quit and go home … and she does. The rest of the designers must race around the track to determine the team leaders for the next challenge: to make three looks for Heidi's New Balance sneaker collection.
Poor Olivier does a face plant about 30 steps into it, Josh leaves the pack in his dust (without ruining his makeup), and Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Viktor finish next. The top four are to be the team leaders. Bert is so far behind that Heidi runs the last portion with him in her five-inch heels. She beats him. No surprise.
New Balance or No Balance???
The designers choose teams. No one wants Bert, and he doesn't want them. Lucky Josh C. is brought back to replace Cecilia. Off they all go to Mood.
Back in the boiler room workroom the designers are all either sharing ideas or eating each other. Josh M. is treating Becky like an 11-year-old sweatshop worker, and Bert is abusing his teammates ... and everyone else in his path. Bert, who couldn't be bothered to learn his castmates' names, is parading around with his nose in the air like Marie Antoinette at a discount shoe store. Every show needs a villain, but I think Bert is trying too hard to leave his mark. Meanwhile, Josh M. throws the "dowdy" insult at Becky, causing a tear-filled confrontation in a stall in the ladies' can. Josh apologizes, and all is well.
Enter Heidi and Tim ... Heidi is underwhelmed, and there isn't enough Botox to un-furrow Tim's brow over what he sees. High point: Laura tries to diplomatically describe her model's ample posterior and Ms. Klum decides to get technical — it is not a "wide grade-out," it is a large "badonk-a-donk." Am relieved about the clarification.
General MacArthur Never Had It So Easy
The designers are seating at the runway and are greeted by a sequined-jumpsuit-and-black-sneaker-wearing Heidi — you heard me. Erin Wasson (did you catch my genuflect?) Is introduced as the guest judge ... let the show begin!
There were a few good looks sandwiched in between a whole pile of yawn. Josh M. was praised not as much for his look as for choosing a good team and directing them well. Anya had the favorite look of his team, and I am officially taking a sip of the Anya Kool-Aid (just a small one). The orange stripe down the front of her maxi dress, though, was unfortunate. Viktor's team was praised for a cohesive collection, with Viktor's motorcycle jacket as the star. Olivier's "Auntie Em" skirt, however, was a disaster. Ewwwwww.
Same Stuff, Different Day
Danielle is on the hot seat for yet another '80s-colored (what do you call that dismal shade?) chiffon top, which Michael dubs a "soufflé that flopped." Ouch. Anthony Ryan is called out for his camel-toe-baggy-jumpsuit-disaster. Really bad. While the judges throw rocks at Anthony and Laura, Bert adds his own snarky remarks to those of the judges, even going so far as to cheer when his teammates are flinching. It's like he is trying to be hated. Mission accomplished. This guy is going to get some serious hate mail.
Everyone on the hot seat takes a turn pointing fingers, and the judges are sitting there laughing. The deliberations begin, and, once again, Nina and Heidi are at odds: Heidi wants the ax to fall on the designer who did the worst on THIS challenge, and Nina wants to consider the track record (really, no pun here) of the entire competition thus far.
In the Winner's Circle and Put Out to Pasture
Viktor and Josh are declared CO-winners. Viktor's dress and jacket are going to be produced by New Balance and sold by Amazon.com, as will Anya's maxi dress.
Anthony Ryan is sent to safety, but only after being informed by Heidi that she was overruled and would have put him out to pasture if it had been completely up to her. Danielle is sent home for being "chiffon-addicted."
Until next week ....
!["How I Met Your Mother"](http://mylt.ltcdn.com/d6/sites/mylifetime.com/files/images/imagecache/carousel_159x119/2011/01/12/HIMYM-159x119.jpg ""How I Met Your Mother"")
