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Rhymes With Witch

Posted By CaitlinBergmann 5:01am GMT

Team Nuts and Bolts do not get along in the HP fabric challengeNo-Drama Thursdays ... NOT!
Last week, "Project Runway" viewers got a "drama reprieve." This week? The Drama Is Back, kids: We got an immediate amuse-bouche of things to come when the opening credits had barely finished and Josh McKinley was spouting things like "The Winning Look from last week's Avant-Garde Challenge should have been MINE!!!" So we knew it was only going to be a matter of time until the nails, gold-hoop earrings and wigs would be a-flying — once again.

Team Mean Girls Part Deux
So what brought the claws back out? Let's begin with the Challenge: As the 10 remaining designers sit with bated breath, their smiles are instantly turned into dropped heads and "Oh no's!" as Heidi announces that they are to be split into two teams of five, with no team leaders. However ... Anthony Ryan (the winner from the previous week's challenge) gets to pick who is on "his" team, and then Heidi gets to "randomly" pick from that bag who would be the other team "Non-Leader." Take a guess who it is? Just one guess … of course, it's Josh "Queen Mean Girls"! Do you think for a hot minute it would be anyone else? HELLLLLLSSSS no! Side note: I don't even think there are actual names on those chips in that bag, but if there were and Olivier's name came up first, even Miss Heidi would quickly throw the chip back in the bag and keep doing it until Josh's name was picked! Just sayin'.

Me! Me! Me!
Each team then chooses their members, and of course, "Old Man Bertie" is the last one standing. After this junior high-school P.E. class moment, they are at the Parsons workroom, where Tim Gunn — and the ageless fabulousness that is designer Betsey Johnson — announce that this week's challenge is the "HP & Intel Challenge," where each team is to create a five-look collection as well as design custom textile prints. Before departing and doing a cartwheel, Johnson reminds the ego-tastic designers (well, really, only Joshua M.!) to "throw away 'Me, Me, Me!'" and "Go, Team!" We'll see how long that will last.

Tim Gunn requests a prayer circle in the HP fabric challengeI Want Your Queen Card Back!
One-thousand one, one-thousand two ... nope, not long. "Team Chaos" (Anthony, Anya, Bryce, Olivier, Viktor) and "Team Nuts and Bolts" (Mean Girls Queen Josh, Laura, Kimberly, Becky, Bert) begin to caucus to choose which prints to use. As "Team Nuts and Bolts" are deciding, Bert is having printer issues: His print isn't coming out. No one in his team seems to care — especially Joshua, who begins berating Bert in such a volatile and evil manner that I feel embarrassed for Joshua. In fact, the entire Parsons workroom feels discomfort. He's being a very (Rhymes with Witch-y) Queen. I know that Bert is not always an innocent wallflower in these situations, but in this case Joshua M. is clearly in the wrong.

Apologies & Arguments
Hours later, after realizing how the cameras captured him looking nasty (just like when he exploded on Becky several episodes back), he returns to the workroom to make a "Public Service Announcement" offering an apology for his un-ladylike behavior. As Bert correctly stated, he could have come to him one-on-one and made his amends, but he didn't. Almost as soon as he finished his apology, Joshua was at it again, arguing with Tim, as Tim was trying to give him constructive criticism. Obnoxious and tacky. Even Tim tells him, "Let your ego go!" and forces "Team Nuts and Bolts" to hold hands and vow to get along.

Project Psychotherapy
Up next: "Project Psychotherapy." As soon as we get a major spoonful of "Evil Joshua," there has to come the "Let's Feel Sorry for Him" arc. Joshua calls his father; we get more into his mom's passing two years ago and how he is still grieving; and of course, there's lots of crying. In addition, he vents his anger and resentment over not being as successful as "he should be" after all his hard work. First off: A) I feel his pain for his grieving, but does that make it OK to bulldoze and bully people? And, B) I also have empathy for anyone who struggles to achieve their dream, but this isn't "Project Psychotherapy." Diary Rooms are meant to give us a little background — let your point of view be known — but not for getting out issues y'all should have worked out A LONG time ago on a professional's sofa! News flash: Probably EVERYBODY going on "Project Runway" is STRUGGLING to achieve their DREAM — that's the reason you are going on the show!

Let's get to Runway Day. Please. Besides Heidi, Michael and Nina, the gorgeous Rachel Roy and actress Rose Byrne are on hand for the judging (what happened to poor Betsey Johnson?). Fasten your seatbelts, LADIES — it's going to be a bumpy night. First off, BOTH teams only used black-and-white prints, AND both teams' prints were not-so-good. Can we please make it a rule for next season's "HP & Intel Challenge" that they HAVE to use COLOR?

Team Chaos' designs in the HP fabric challengeThe Perfect Mini Collection
Continuing ... The collection from Joshua's Team — oops, I mean "Team Nuts and Bolts" — was all over the place, design-wise, and "Team Chaos" was anything BUT chaotic. It was stunning, in fact; one of the best "Project Runway" group efforts in a LONG time. They win. And it's between Olivier (he did a perfectly tailored jacket, albeit in GRAY again!), Viktor (who did a stunning gown) and Anya (who created a sublime printed sheath dress). Anya surprisingly wins. I really thought it was going to go to Olivier or Viktor, but still it was well deserved! I love that the fashion still "ruled" on "Project Runway" — against all that "Joshua Drama."

Fragmented Team=Fragmented Collection
Speaking of ... it was down to "Team B**** Queen" to battle it out. Nina Garcia asks them about their "team interaction," but Joshua — rightly — pulls her back to the fashion (1 point for Joshua!). But here's the deal: Their fashion was disjointed! Joshua's geometric jacket ensemble was actually quite good (2 points for Joshua) and had some design quality, while Becky's was not. She did use Joshua's print, which had the words "canceled" and "delayed" on it (1 point off for Joshua!) but her look was almost "Missy" and, as Heidi stated, it was "weak ... in a weak collection." I knew Becky was going home the minute she landed on Joshua's Team. Hello!!!


"Mean Girls": The Parsons Edition

Posted By CaitlinBergmann 5:01am GMT

Five things I learned from watching last night's episode:
1) Joshua M. is mean. OK, he's downright CRUEL.
2) Bert is also mean, but in a Bitchy Old Queen sort of way
3) Mean and bitchy gets you places … at least on "Project Runway"
4) Reality shows LOVE a villain ... or two!
5) A basic tank maxi dress can win in a fashion design competition! Who knew?

Viktor and Olivier hugRunning With Pattern Shears
After last week's "Dress Nina la Diva" episode, the remaining contestants woke up only to find boxes in their Atlas Apartments. I started to get the shakes, as this reminded me of my Season 2 "Figure Skating/Make a Costume for Sasha Cohen" Challenge, when we received boxes of snap-on body suits and leggings to wear during our ice skating outing. Oh happy times! No figure skating for these kids; they were going to the New Balance Track and Field Center at the Armory. Heidi and Tim were there to tell them that they would be working in four teams of three. They all had to do a lap around the field, and the fastest four would be the captains/team leaders.

Adios, Cecilia
Before H & T said "Go!", "Death-Warmed-Over" Cecilia was DONE: She decided to quit. Fab — one less person to write about! Bah-bye. BTW, can we have those shiny new HK New Balance sneakers back? Sans Cecilia, the remaining contestants do their lap. Olivier falls and passes out (will a PA please get him some Craft Service! Stat!), Heidi helps "old" Bert make it to the end (in 6-inch heels!) and then we find out the captains: Joshua, Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Viktor. Yes, kids, The Gays can do sports!

The Heidi Challenge
The captains then choose their team members: Joshua picks Anya and Becky; Bryce is with Kimberly and Danielle; Viktor picks Olivier, and Anthony Ryan and Laura Kathleen are left with Bert (uh-oh!). Since Viktor has only one companion, they bring back Joshua C. to even it all out (lucky him!). Heidi then finally announces this week's Challenge: create 3 cohesive looks for her HK New Balance sneakers. "Think fashion," "Think 'basic with a twist,'" she tells them. The prize: The winning look will be sold and manufactured online on Amazon.com as part of Heidi's line.

Joshua: "Mean Girls" Queen
Back at the Parsons Workroom, the "Mean Girls" captain, Joshua, begins his needless cruelty by belittling Becky's design ability and basically making her his seamstress. He continues this throughout their entire time together, saying that she's someone who "does dowdy dresses" and not someone he would consider a "style icon." Ouch. He also gets WAAAY too close to copying my fellow Season 2 veteran Zulema Griffin's quote of "I don't care if you gotta cry and cut, but CRY and CUT. Don't stop and cry!" Let's discuss Joshua for a second: There are times that I just want to say some of the cruel things he said last night (to people who shall remain nameless), but I happen to have a filter/edit mechanism in my brain — especially when there's a camera 10 feet away from me — which stops me from being so cruel (also, my mom taught me better!). In addition, it's the WAY he says it, his intonation. It's actually quite disgusting. I'm done with Joshua.

Viktor and Olivier hugOh, Bert!
Anthony Ryan and Laura join Joshua as members of "Mean Girls": The Parsons Edition by being quite dismissive of poor ol' Bert. But as it turns out, Bert is not helping matters by being incredibly uncooperative and sour and making condescending statements under his breath — basically, just being a bitchy old queen. He also cannot remember his own team players' names (Henry?? No, Bert, its Anthony Ryan). Bert seems to be forming his own chapter of the Mean Girls Club! Ah, Bert: Sometimes after nine hours of teaching 19-year-olds at a fashion institute and grading, draping and correcting pattern assignments for another 12 hours, well, I feel like being a "Bitchy Old Queen" and snapping at an unsuspecting student. But I do not; I know better. Also, what part of "You will have to work with people who are NOT from your generation and who do not have your background and expertise" did you NOT understand when you signed up for "Project Runway"? Instead of being a condescending sourpuss, it might behoove you to be cordial, be a team player, and later — after you finish filming and return to your home in L.A. — bitch with your "girlfriends" over a Liza Minnelli Tribute at some piano bar in the Valley! Trust me, that's what I did!!

Motorcycle Ridin' With a "Generic" Tank Dress
OK, let's discuss the Runway Day and the results. Heidi, Michael, Nina and the guest judge, the sublimely gorgeous model Erin Wasson, were there to see the results from "Mean Girls": The HK New Balance Sneakers fashion show. It was a mixed bag, naturally, considering all the dysfunctional behavior happening among some of the teams. The judges were all over the place with their comments and who they liked and did not like. There were two "best," according to Heidi (since, after all, it was HER Challenge): Viktor's gray dress and black motorcycle jacket was the winner, and "Joshua's Team" with "their" maxi dress (created by Anya, by the way) also won. I loved Viktor's, and that win was well-deserved. I understood the salability of "Team Joshua's" maxi dress, but seriously, that gets commended in a DESIGN competition? It's a two-piece tank dress!

A First: Camel-Toe Romper
At the very bottom was Danielle and her green top and skirt (yes, she did ANOTHER chiffon green top!) and Anthony Ryan's diapers-looking romper. Poor Anthony Ryan's design was the worst (in my eyes). Even Michael Kors told him, "You've achieved the impossible: Your shorts are big and tight at the same time. She has camel toe in big shorts." But he's too cute to go away — well, in "TV Land," anyway! In the end, it was mousy Leanne Marshall — I mean, Danielle — who went home for her "Chiffon Addiction." If I were Danielle, I'd be happy to just be away from that "Mean Girls" environment once and for all. Now, what shall we do about Bitchy Bert and Cruel Joshua? Unfortunately, they're still in the show. Oh, yes, lest we forget, reality TV loves a villain ... or two. Mean Girls rule!!! (I hope not).