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The Boris and Natasha Show

By kim_messina Fri., Sep. 7, 2012 ,5:00 am EDT

Last week, there were NINE designers, and this week ... there are STILL Nine Designers. If you have been keeping score, NO ONE was out in last week's DRAMA-filled "Lord & Taylor Challenge" episode. The designers were asked to create a dress for the iconic department store and the winner was Christopher, who made a blush/nude and black gown which won praise from all the judges. On the bottom — vote wise — were Alicia and Gunnar, yet Miss Heidi K. said that because there were no real "train-wrecks" and, according to her, they all did a good job, EVERYONE stayed. We all realize it was because of the two designers who quit early in the season, but let’s just all play along, shall we?!

Auf This and Auf That

In the beginning of the episode, the winner, Christopher, was riding high on his winning horse and declared that someone should have gone home. Gunnar was his target, and we all know, it wasn’t because of his design, but mainly because he is Christopher’s Gay Arch Nemesis! I also agree that someone should have been eliminated but I felt that it should have been Alicia. I feel that the sooner the show can rid itself of the not-so-talented designers, the quicker the TRUE designers can really make this a competition. I know it sounds mean and heartless but I'd rather see a bunch of FAB competing against other FAB. But I digress...

Team Kumbaya: NOT

Now, with this good news that NO ONE was out, one would hope that there would be a communal Kumbaya atmosphere prevailing through the walls of Parsons and less melodramatic fits of negativity. Well, kids, not so fast ... After getting their "Hellooo!" from Heidi, they're off to meet Tim. He's in the Parsons Workroom, which has turned into Michael's Arts & Crafts depot with a bunch of glitter, glue, and paint. Gunn tells the designers that as of now, they have NO BUDGET to shop at Mood so ... they must create merchandise to sell on the streets of Manhattan to raise the money for their as-yet-to-be-mentioned challenge. That's the first bad news, here comes the second: this will be a Team Challenge and they will have to sell in teams of 3. The teams are named: Team 1 is Christopher, Sonjia and Gunnar; Team 2 is Dmitry, Elena and Alicia and Team 3 is Ven, Melissa and Fabio.

Arts & Crafts Parsons

The designers get to work on their Art Doodle projects, making t-shirts, necklaces, etc. Team 1's stuff is looking cute — croquis, fashion illustrations and well-sketched faces on T-shirts. On the other end, however, Team 2's creations are looking like something a First Grader made after drinking too much "Honey Boo Boo Go Go Juice." Soon, time's up and they take their merchandise — and go try and sell their "whickety wack" to the unsuspecting hipster Meatpacking/Chelsea/East Village public. After much haggling and pleading to people that "You Really Need A 90s, shredded, Puffy-Painted T-shirt,” the teams return to Parsons to let Tim know how much money they made: Team 1 made $648; Team 2 $500; and Team 3, a whopping $800.48. So now, the teams have their Mood shopping money, but what about the actual challenge? Mr. Gunn??

Next on Ukrainian and Belarus TV ... The Elena and Dmitry Show

Tim finally announces that each team must create 2 cohesive looks for Fall. They go to Mood, spend their "Sell It Girl!" money, and then return to Parsons to work, or as Elena likes to call it: My Time to Bitch. Elena (Team 2) is doing her usual "Negative Ninny" shtick, mainly focused on her Eastern European Nemesis, Dmitry. These two are SO Boris and Natasha it's actually quite amusing. Back when I did the "Road To Runway Casting Special," I KNEW that it was going to be a War of the Eastern European Divas. At one point, Elena tries to make fun of his accent, which makes no sense since, NEWSFLASH: SHE HAS (almost) THE SAME ACCENT!

Don't Mess With Dmitry

Dmitry doesn't just sit there and take Elena's nastiness; he's throwing it back at her word for word. Note to Elena: don't mess with a former competitive ballroom dancer. But her hate-talk isn't just limited to her own team as she also drops "Negative Nuggets" on Christopher's "ugly ass Snuggie" camel coat. Poor Alicia — who's quickly looking like Dmitry and Elena's "Bullwinkle" — is getting caught in the middle of these two SUPER A-type personalities. Pobrecita, as my grandma would say.

The Exquisite Roll of The Sleeve...

Day of the runway show and fashion designer Anna Sui is on hand as the Guest Judge. The designs from all 3 teams hit the runway and Christopher, Sonjia and Gunnar from Team 1 are the clear winners. They worked seamlessly together and it showed. The fact that Christopher and Gunnar could put aside their queeny antics for one team challenge and "make it work" shows maturity. They did a good job on their respective coat and dresses, but it was Sonjia's jacket that brought the most verbal applause. The judges used effusive language such as "exquisite," "expensive" and "sharp" to describe it. It's not easy to make a well-made tailored jacket in such a short amount of time. It's the details and fit that matter with a jacket and I especially LOVED the roll of the sleeves at the cap and the fit was sublime. The entire jacket was very Armani Prive. In the end, she received a well-deserved win.

Sad Coat, Camel-toe Pants and a Dowdy Dirndl...

Team 3 (Ven, Melissa, Fabio) had the most money, but their designs looked cheap. While the judges praised Melissa’s cropped white jacket (it was very contemporary), they slammed the camel-toe pants she made. What was that bulge in the crotch? Women's pants should not have that. Fabio's sad coat also didn't get any love as well. And Ven? After he nixed his folded pleat skirt idea for a dowdy dirndl skirt, Nina, Michael and Heidi wondered where his "voice" was in any of this team. If there was EVER a moment where we needed one of those "Ven pleated-and-folded rose" details, it was NOW!

Unharmonious Coffin Coat

But it was the most quarrelsome of the teams — Team Boris and Natasha (and Alicia Bullwinkle) — which ended up at the very bottom. Dmitry and Elena's squabbles caused unharmonious looks on the runway. Natasha — I mean Elena — felt that Dmitry took over the challenge, while Boris — I mean Dmitry — accused Elena of always making "coffins" (alluding to her very structured coats). The judges chastise them and their poor "sidekick" Alicia for not working as a team (true) and do not take prisoners when it comes to discussing Elena's coat. Even though Elena is a self-described Coat Queen, the judges said it looked angry, tortured and "like a coat sewn with her feet" (Ouch!). As it has become tradition now for these Season 10 designers, Elena blamed her ill-looking coat on "not having enough time."

Alicia Bullwinkle: You're OUT!

And then, there was Alicia. Alicia's contribution to the team was a major yawn. Why didn't she create something cool and fun like her own little jumpsuit that she was wearing on the runway? Oh and take a guess what Alicia's complaint was? Yep: "I was having time issues." OMG! Cry me a Parsons Workroom River. Have these kids EVER watched this show? How many times can they keep using this excuse? (don't answer that!). Well, it might have taken an extra week, but finally Alicia was "Aufed" just as she should have been last week. Hopefully she was able to get a good night’s sleep in her sequestered hotel room and not have nightmares of Boris and Natasha screaming at each other all night long!