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Haute Pee Pee

By LifetimeLisaR Fri., Aug. 5, 2011 ,3:09 pm EDT

Camel-Toe Nightmares
Last week, Season 9 of "Project Runway" began with a Pajama Party BANG, as the 16 contestants designed looks from their sleepwear and a bed sheet. For some reason, most of the designers drank the "Ugly Crotch Kool-Aid" and decided that somehow we would be impressed with the results. Not so much. Hoochie-mama-too-tight-leggings designer Rafael was sent home, and I was left with one too many bad camel-toe nightmares. But, it's a new week, and new nightmares. This time involving puppies and pee-pee!

Intro Redux
As this week's episode begins, I am struck by the new "Intro" showcasing Miss Heidi, Nina, Michael and our beloved Tim. It was a cute twist on previous season's intros, but I kind of miss the old style in which each designer was introduced with a "catch phrase." It always helped us identify who's who and would give us an amuse bouche of their personalities.

Project Runway Season 9, Episode 2PetCo-uture
"Unleash your creativity," Heidi tells the designers as they sit and wonder if this will somehow be an S&M challenge. (Nope! Kids, it's Lifetime! Hello!) Cut to Tim Gunn in front of Petland Discounts as he announces the next challenge. Secretly, I wished that 15 puppies were about to come out and that they were going to have to design "Doggie Couture." Instead, they are to design an outfit using pet store supplies. Yep, welcome to the classic "Project Runway" favorite: the Unconventional Challenge.

Immediately, Monsieur Gunn reminds the fashion novices to NOT use the "conventional" fabrics (dog clothing, umbrella fabric, dog beds) from the pet store, and instead go for the unconventional.

Well, it's not my first time at the "Project Runway" rodeo, so I knew that SOMEONE would NOT get the memo and, of course, use CONVENTIONAL FABRICS... and then face the "Runway" guillotine as a result.

Clean Up on Aisle Parsons
Lots of leashes, puppy chow, doggie plastic neck protectors, bird food, and one-too-many "wee-wee" pads later, and the designers are back in the Parsons' workroom, trying to contend with what the heck they were going to come up with out of all that mess. The workroom looked like the day after a 90% off sale at a going-out-of-business pet store.

Most of the designers have no clue of what to do. I felt for them, reminding me of the "Flower Power" challenge when I had to create a dress using fresh flowers back in my season. I must have stood in front of my flower-filled pattern table for FOUR HOURS without a clue of where to start.

Classy not Assy
Soon enough, these contestants begin cutting, gluing and dumping dog and bird food and "making it work". Tim visits and we see that several of them are doing Depends dresses using those aforementioned potty training pads (Viktor and Bryce) and Miss "Real Housewives of St. Louis" Laura Kathleen, is trying to keep it classy not "assy." She soon realizes it's looking more like the latter, so she decides to change her "unconventional fabrication." (Good idea.) And the rest, well, are hot gluing their way till Parsons workroom closing time.

Haute Pet Runway
Alice + Olivia designer Stacey Bendet on Project RunwayIt's the day of the runway and judges Heidi, Michael and Nina are present — as well as "Alice + Olivia" designer Stacey Bendet. (Love her, BTW! Sassy, fun and stylish!) The show gets under way, and as usual: lots of hot puppy messes and some "Is that a dress from Balenciaga Resort 2012?" beauties.

Incidentally, Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe Anya continues to do FAB work, and creates a cute outfit. (Now we know she can actually sew AND glue as well!) On the other hand, last week's winner Bert I-have-immunity-so-y'all-can-eat-it Keeter does a dress perfect for a retired Playboy Bunny living in Palm Springs, using what Tim said he shouldn't: conventional fabrics. He got the "memo," he just decided to not read it, I guess.

Conventional Fabric Wins (Say What?)
The judges' favorites are my favorites: "Southern Belle" Anthony does a very chic dress using bird seed. It was Heidi's most beloved. The neckline detail of sunflower seeds is DIVINE. Olivier's was the other favorite. His look — made out of hamster and dog bedding — was elegant and very editorial. The judges were ebullient with their adulation.

Olivier Side Note No. 1: His design was straight off the pages of "Vogue Italia," but didn't he use "conventional fabric" with his dog bedding top? And wasn't that a judge no-no?

Olivier Side Note No. 2: I just have a question about him and that accent. He says he's from Ohio and hadn't moved to London until he was 16, six years ago (he's only 22) but yet, he still sounds like Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge?! I just went to London and didn't come home with an accent! Oh well, pretentious accent or no accent, Olivier still won (against Heidi's wishes) and did it even while using conventional fabrics.

Going Pee Pee or Going to Señor Frog's
At the bottom were Bryce's neon blue hamster bedding and wee-wee pad ensemble and "the Other Josh" Christensen's doggie umbrella '90s dress. For Bryce's critique, Nina says it looks like part of the "Blue Man Group." I personally think it looked more like a reject from "Priscilla Queen of the Desert."

Michael Kors wants to puke from seeing it, and Heidi wants to pee on it. (Oh lord!) But it wasn't Bryce's wee-wee pad dress that went home. It was Josh No. 2 who got the "poo poo" this week.

Using doggie-printed umbrella fabric, he made a dress perfect for a girl attending a Spring Break party at Señor Frog's... in 1996! With that, he kissed his bromance boyfriend — Josh No. 1 — adieu and had a tearful goodbye with Tim and the entire cast... good thing there were plenty of extra pee-pads to dry those tears!