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Let's Get Physical

By laurareineke Fri., Sep. 6, 2013 ,3:40 pm EDT

I have Four Words: Tim. Gunn. In. Shorts. I thought I would never see the day. Thank you "Project Runway."

Referee Tim
This week's episode began with our dear style mentor waking the remaining designers up at their Refinery Hotel digs, in full referee Uniform ensemble, including the black-and-white shirt, shorts (Oh Dear!) and even sneakers. Yes, Tim Gunn in shorts AND sneakers! Heaven. When he was waking the designers up--going from room to room--I also had another thought as the camera cut to Karen: I forgot she was still on the show! (Is that bad of me?) After the designers changed into athletic/workout outfits from Heidi Klum's New Balance line, they all re-connected with Referee Tim--as well as Heidi--for a little Field Day. Tim and Heidi explained that there were five identical obstacle courses with four stations (a three-legged race, tire run, wheel barrel and flag grab) which the designers had to take part in. The designers would be put into five teams of two for this mini Project Runway Boot Camp.

What's The Point?
As soon as I wondered out loud at the point of all this (except to see Tim in shorts and sneakers!) Heidi announced the challenge: To create a fashionable activewear look for her New Balance collection. She also informs the designers that they have one day to complete their looks and that the winning look will be manufactured and sold as part of her collection at selected New Balance stores and NewBalance.com. She forgot to add, "But the winning designer ain't making any money from the sales, thank you very much!"

Bye Shorts: Dapper Tim Is Back
Justin and Dom win this little field day test. As the winners, they get first choice of fabrics as well as an extra hour of work time back at Parsons. Somehow, next to the obstacle course, a makeshift fabric station had been set up where the designers got to choose the fabrics (from Heidi's line). After changing into more appropriate workroom attire, the designers and Tim all head back to Parsons. Part of me wished Tim would have stayed in his referee "costume" but nope, he was back in his "Dapper Tim" gingham shirt, jacket-and-tie ensemble we've come to expect from him.

Drama Time
Now, it wouldn't be Season 12 without a bit of extra DRAMA, so let's get to it. In the workroom there are examples of Heidi's line (tops and workout pants) on the dress forms to be used as guides. Helen pulls Tim aside, quietly asking him if she can use one of the pants for spec purposes. He says "yes". Immediately, Bitchy McBitch Ken questions Helen on what she had asked. She was a bit elusive about it. This set him off.

Wash Your Mouth With Soap Young Man
What follows is a torrential downpour of expletives and horrible language from Ken's mouth. I thought Sandro was bad but wowsa, that Ken is just plain UGLY. I kept thinking (as I always do when I watch someone be rotten on reality TV), "Boy, your momma can NOT be proud of you right now". And before I could finish my thought, there was Ken on the phone with (ironically) his "Spiritual Mother," asking for advice on dealing with all the stress. Well, wait until she sees him on TV using all that horrible language and treating a human being--a woman, no less--with such discontent; that should make for an interesting day at Church.

Therapist Tim
Soon Therapist Tim comes to the rescue, has a talk with both Helen and Ken, and then it's all Rainbows and Unicorns. Even though they seemed to be fine with it all, I still had a bad taste in mouth from how nasty Ken verbally abused Helen. After putting away his therapist hat, Tim arrives for his critiques, joined by Miss Heidi. The highlight here is the Karen visit. Heidi sees a neon sports bra on the form plus her sketch and tells Karen that it looks a bit like a green martian. That's not good. This is the cue for Karen to start all over again, with unfortunately four hours left in the workday.

Runway Day
Day of the runway and poor Karen is no better off than she was after Heidi's "Green Martian" critique yesterday. She's freaking out, quickly sewing, has no top made and all the while her model--the ever-so-fabulous Roberta--is sitting around thinking "GURL! I can't believe I'm going home for this crappy outfit that you haven't even made yet!" Cut to the runway where Very Special Guest Judge Michael Kors is BAAACK(!). His comedy writers have probably prepared some really good zingers for this very special judging. As I was watching from the comfort of my home, with my "Nick Judging Note Cards," I thought that most of the designers did a really good job. Here's what I wrote: "Good look!" (Bradon), "Love the pops of red!" (Kate), "Athletic chic!" (Helen), "Great jacket, cool top" (Dom), "Fun asymmetrical jacket" (Justin), and "Really well made!" (Alexander). Out of all of them the best looks were from Kate and Helen. I might have picked Kate but the minute Nina put in an order for Helen's handkerchief-hemmed hooded work-out jacket, it was "done and done" and she was the winner for a second consecutive time. On another note, I am very suspicious of Nina and her supposed "work out." I cannot see La Garcia in a gym unless there's Champagne and Caviar there, but I'll suspend disbelief just this once.

Pooping Pants and Buffet Hour
I thought that Jeremy's outfit used way too much purple. Ken's was not bad but I could buy it at Target TODAY, and it reminded me of all the mothers I saw on my Kauai vacation; it lacked a "fashion" element. The worst were Alexandria and Karen. I agreed completely with EVERY judge--except Heidi--with their comments about Alexandria's look. When Michael Kors called out Alexandria's "Pooping Pants" and "Pleasure Me Pockets," I couldn't hold back my glee in thinking "Awww, I missed you Michael!" That look was so off the mark, but she was lucky that Karen's was worse: it had NO fashion, no style, and completely hid the body. Poor Roberta (the model) did look like a woman at a cruise ship buffet table. All that she was missing was a pink fanny pack. So, yes kids, remember in the beginning when I thought to myself "Is Karen still here?" Well, I only had to wait 90 minutes for my wishful thinking to come true.