Sad Orchids, Handkerchief Hems and a Triple Panty Party!
OMG!!! It's Philip friggin' Treacy! God, Genius, Hat Zeus! Seriously, I got the shivers just thinking about what I would design with one of his masterpieces! I was so excited at the prospect of the marvelous creations these designers would make. But then someone slapped me back to life I think it was the Ghost of Alexis Carrington from "Dynasty" with the realization that Casanova was still in the show and that there would certainly be some embarrassing messes ahead ... But before we get to all that, plus the Triple Panty Party and how EVERYONE'S drinking the Handkerchief Hem Kool-Aid, let's talk about Designer Down:
Model Diet=Designer Down
Last week … we were left with ambulance noises, and a hallway full of "Dude I Didn't Sign Up for This" production assistants, sound and camera boys, as well as one Designer Down. Ivy Higa, as it turned out, is on "The Model Diet" of cigarettes and Diet Coke, and therefore not getting enough real liquids and nutrition during these first three episodes of the show (in actual "real time," she's been there for about a week). One quick trip to the hospital and she's all good and ready to join the rest of her comrades to get "Hat Happy"!
Miss Heidi struts out, followed by the "Project Runway" models, all wearing the most GLORIOUS hat creations from designer Philip Treacy. EVERY fashion designer and student of fashion even every junior-high kid who loves fashion needs to know this man's name. Learn it, Google it, memorize it. ADORE IT! Treacy is also there to assist in announcing that for this week, the designers will create a look inspired by one of his hats. He advises them that it is all about Volume, Proportion, and Understanding the Silhouette of the person wearing it. And with that, they are off to the "Project Runway" Royal Ascot Hat Races … at Mood!
Nicole Bobek Diapers Meets Donna Karan Knockoffs
Post-Mood shopping, the designers head to the Parsons workroom, and Father Tim makes a visit. Olympic figure skater Nicole Bobek's doppelganger, April Johnston, is doing Booty Shorts that look like diapers (privately, I am DYING!). Tim loves Christopher's creation, but honestly, I am so not a fan. It looks so '90s: the fabric, the portrait collar. Speaking of dated, San Juan Boy Scout Casanova gets ripped by Monsieur Gunn for his un-original Donna Karan black jersey number circa 1988. In another classic Casanova moment, he does his best Charo impression when explaining that it's EDITOREEEEEEAL! (Privately LOVE HIM!)
Change It Up, Daddy!
"Happy Father's Day" Michael Costello is having puckering issues, and Tim suggests he needs to be "put back on track." Side note: 27-year-old Michael Costello has a CHILD? Who does he think he is? Neil Patrick Harris? I can't even take care of my three-year-old dog, and I'm … well, never mind! Soon after the Tim visit, Daddy Michael C. decides (wisely) to tear his original dress up and start anew as "I'm a Two-Time Winner, Y'all" Gretchen is still in the confessional giving her Tim Jr. Assistant two cents. Oh, it's going to be a HATCRAZEEE runway show, I can tell.
Make Alexander McQueen and Isabella Blow Proud!
It's Philip Treacy Runway Day at "Project Runway," and the judges with Heidi featuring a Philip Treacy chapeau, of course are ready to score. Would the designers' creations play homage to Treacy's fabulous hats, or would they end up in the back of the Royal Ascot line? Gretchen's design looks very Zara … on sale. A.J. Thouvenot's dress is a Lacroix pouf from 1987. Ivy's hospital-inspired ensemble looked like a muslin sample as opposed to a finished look. And these kids were "In"! Surprisingly, my Latino sister Casanova also made it through, with a black jersey dress that actually wasn't that bad.
Michael Drummond's architectural backless jacket with hand-pleated, crinkled skirt was fabulous! LOVED this ensemble (and so did the judges). It really complemented his Philip Treacy hat; they looked as if they belonged together. The judges caught the "Handkerchief Hem Virus" and liked Valerie's dress with cropped vest as well as Michael Costello's second creation (that boy can sew very quickly!), an iridescent chiffon dress straight from the movie "Prince of Persia: Sands of Time." Both of which had handkerchief hems. Did I not get this fashion memo? Even Queen Gretchen caught the virus and sent down a handkerchief-hemmed tunic top.
Princess of Puerto Rico
Michael's dress was pretty and, as Nina said, effortless, but I may have to agree (I know, sit down!) with Casanova on this one: I think EVERY Puerto Rican girl probably does already have this dress in her closet! But Daddy Michael wins and gets immunity for next week and hopefully lots of e-mail and Facebook Friend requests from the female population of Puerto Rico!
Indochine vs. Orchid Nation
But now, we will travel to Indochine and the Land of Sad Orchids. Oh, Miss Nicole Bobek I mean, April I kind of get what you were going for, but it just didn't work. As the judges said: "Right category, wrong design." The Triple Panties and their bad fit are what put you there. Why didn't you channel something more in line with John Galliano's "Madame Butterfly Dior Haute Couture Collection" from Spring '07? Instead you went to an Indochine Hooker Party. But it was Kristin's uninspired black and fuchsia dress that lost out. She had this STUNNING and oh-so-majestic orchid hat design and she did not understand what to do with it; such a joyous hat, such a bland dress.
With that, we leave the Royal Ascot Races of "Project Runway" and the glamorous world of Philip Treacy and hope that next week the designers will have moved on from the handkerchief hems and Miss April will have left the Triple Panties back in her Atlas Apartment drawer.