Bears, Sheep Dogs and Woodstock Hippies
The episode begins, and once again, within 30 seconds, there are two ominous hints at what’s to come: Anya’s can’t-sew issues and Olivier’s time-management problems are both quickly revisited. Unless the editors are trying to throw me for a loop, I just have a feeling one of these two is going home. And I just KNOW it isn’t Anya those judges have drunk the Anya Kool-Aid, and they’re not sending her back to Trinidad and Tobago, that’s for sure! Oh and yes, Olivier still hates fat people …
Musique C’est Chic
Let’s begin. Last week, the designers thought that they were designing for men when they saw nine guys walk onto the runway and they weren’t happy. But as “‘Project Runway’ luck” would have it, they had to create looks for the men’s respective girlfriends/wives. Whew! That was a close one. Well, kids, don’t do the “happy dance” just yet. This week, the designers head out to Rockwood Music Hall, where they meet up with Monsieur Gunn and Peter Butler, Consulting Stylist for Garnier. There, Tim tells the designers that fashion and music are forever linked, adding, “Think The Beatles and,” um, “Lady Gaga.” (I know that took A LOT out of Tim to even mouth the Lady Gaga part, that is).
The Dogs Get Groomed
It turns out that Garnier and Rolling Stone magazine have partnered to showcase a new band, The Sheep Dogs. Here’s the first catch: The “Project Runway” contestants would be responsible for creating the band’s fashion image, and the winning look would be worn by a band member at an event as well as be featured in a Marie Claire/Garnier advertorial. Here’s the second (more important) catch: They’re ALL men! Yes, kids, this is THE Menswear Challenge, officially. Third catch: They must work in teams ... again.
I Don’t Do Men
After a brief “Oh no, not teams again!” scuffle, the designers are told to make sure each band member looks like they belong with the band ... but they will be judged individually. Predictably, MOST of the designers have never done menswear, do not want to do menswear, and don’t know how to do menswear. Hello, why do you think the producers picked this Challenge?
A “Massive” Schooling, From Uncle Nicky
Team Harmony and Team Untitled are set up, and they “choose” their band members. Madonna, I mean Olivier, gets lead singer Ewan, who happens to be 6’3” and not a Man-o-rexic/no-carb-eating/Twinkie male-model size. In other words: A real MAN. Naturally, Olivier begins with the “I Hate Fatties” talk, complaining that he “got the biggest guy,” saying, “He’s MASSIVE” and “I never thought of designing for PLUS-SIZE people.” Back in the workroom, he continues his kvetching, now saying that there are no FAT MALE body forms for him to use. What a crock. First of all: Pad the form! Use fabric, muslin, shoulder pads. What an amateur! (Sorry, I am using my “Nick Loud Voice.”) Also, I don’t know what body-dysmorphic planet Olivier is living on, but his client AIN’T fat maybe “thick,” but certainly not fat. And in fact, in some gay circles, he’d actually be considered kinda hot.
Runway Rock Idol
It’s Runway Day with 30 minutes left and Olivier is having time-management issues (quelle surprise) and is leaving his client in his skivvies waiting for his outfit to be finished. Somehow, he makes it work (double-stick tape and pins, I guess). For the first time in “Project Runway” history, the fashion show will be in the form of a concert. Kors, Garcia and La Klum are on hand, as well as Lady Gaga!! Just kidding … it was singer Adam Lambert. The Sheep Dogs perform in their Team Harmony and Team Untitled looks. And honestly, even though the band members did say they liked a ’70s Boho vibe, BOTH teams’ looks were more reminiscent of cheap Jimi Hendrix mockumentary costumes. Kors must have been salivating, barely able to restrain himself from spewing out a cacophony of one-liners.
Our Buddies Back Home Are Going to Give Us (Blank)
As the teams are brought onstage to face the judges with the band members standing beside each designer I can’t help but notice the facial expressions of The Sheep Dogs. I so wish there were “pop-up” bubbles, because they would saying, “What the he** did we get ourselves into?” “This just might be the biggest mistake of our young careers!” and “Our buddies back home are going to give us s***!” But moving on, first up was Team Harmony. The judges all agreed that their creations were too literal and bad Woodstock-y. They liked “Old Man” Bert’s just for the plain fact that it didn’t look like a cheap costume from a bargain store in Omaha. Anya’s was a mess evoking the spirit of a bad Brady Bunch hippie costume. She even confessed that it was horrible. And wouldn’t you know it: She really can’t sew; her client’s jeans were splitting in the back. And I bet she makes it to the finals ...
Team Untitled is next, and the judges love “I’m Not a Mean Girl Anymore” Josh’s cream bell-bottom pants look (what was up with all the cream pants?!) and think it’s “hip and sexy.” I wasn’t a fan of the contrast pockets and those flared legs, to be honest. They also liked Viktor’s fringed-and-braided pleather jacket, Western shirt and distressed jeans. I think that this one was the best if only for that jacket alone. Viktor wins. In the bottom were Kimberly and, yes, Miss Olivier. Olivier did a too-cropped bedspread-print shirt and GREIGE pants for his BEAR of a client. On the positive side: It wasn’t a bad Jimi Hendrix costume. On the negative side: It was BORING, ill-fitting and not even FINISHED! Remember what I said at the start of this recap? Yep, I just knew he would be gone. He calls himself a menswear designer, yet he was out on the Menswear Challenge. Poor thang. At least now he’ll be able to go home and make endless greige collections for all his fantasy “size 2 only” clients. Good luck with that!