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What Is a Goiter, Anyway?

By CaitlinBergmann Fri., Sep. 3, 2010 ,6:00 am EDT

In the opening of this episode, we learn that Ivy wants Michael Costello to go home and that she thinks that Gretchen needs to be brought back to reality. I want Ivy to stop deciding the fate of her fellow designers and produce a decent garment. The reality is that Gretchen has won two challenges, and Michael C. has won one (about to be two) and Ivy has given us nothing but capri pants and maxi vests.

Judge the runway designs yourself here!Heidi appears on the runway to give the designers their next challenge. I'm not sure, but I think she is wearing the dress that McCutie was sent home for in the first challenge. She parades out a gaggle of girls in gowns and announces that the challenge is to remake their ugly bridesmaid dresses into something cool and wearable. The designers all roll their eyes, cover their mouths and claim the dresses are hideously ugly, but I don't see anything worse than what has been sent down the runway this season.

This challenge, which I can hardly believe hasn't already been done, brings about two rants from me:

Rant Number One: Real Women on "Project Runway"
I cringe every time I see real women up on the runway, lined up and ready to be chosen by the designers. It happens every time; the largest girl is the last to be chosen. It is painful to watch, I can't imagine how painful it must be to be left standing there. I understand why the designers do it. This is a competition, and the judges will respond better to a thin girl in a garment on the runway. I am certainly not saying anyone over Size 6 should not be included, I am just saying — no, begging — the producers to assign the women to the designers and save us all from having to watch this embarrassing process. Models are accustomed to being rejected. It's their job. These women have been kind enough to participate and should be treated better.

Rant Number Two: Satin
Satin is not a nice fabric. It is difficult to work with. It is not flattering or forgiving. It shows every construction and figure flaw. Do not make your best friends wear it in your wedding. Do not make capri pants out of it, Ivy. This is not personal opinion, it is science. Satin is shiny and reflects light; things that reflect light appear larger. Fabric that reflects light makes your ass appear larger. Matte fabrics absorb light and (you guessed it) minimize. A head-to-toe, one color, all-satin dress will flatter no one.

OK, back to the show.

Watch this episode onlineGretchen seems to have learned a lesson and keeps her head down. April wisely stands up to her client. Mondo goes mod. Valerie is sending her bridesmaid to play tennis in Connecticut and Michael C. scares Tim with some lace. He actually scared me too, because I thought his dress looked great without it.

It's runway time, and Heidi is out for wearing spiral stockings with shorts and a top that looks like the product of an unconventional materials challenge. My pick for the win, April, is safe in the middle. The judges love Mondo's graphic pink and black dress, but they give the win to Michael C. because Heidi thinks it's cool for him to win a challenge just after his team threw him under the bus. There is that expression again! Everyone else on earth thinks Mondo should have won. but we are OK with Michael C.'s win because his humble expression upon hearing the news is endearing.

Peach is in trouble. It's not even a "maybe" that she is going home. Even if she wasn't being sent home for the avocado goiter dress on the runway, she should probably be sent home for wearing the pink sweater with the shoes, sunglasses and purses all over it. I'm thinking she has the snowman Christmas and pumpkin Halloween versions too.

Bad sweaters and all, Peach always had a likable "I'm just along for the ride" kind of attitude and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. I'm sad to see her go, and I'm not just saying that because she friended me on Facebook.