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Episode 12: "Surely, You Can't Be Serious ..."

By CaitlinBergmann Fri., Apr. 9, 2010 ,5:06 am EDT

And stop calling me Shirley. OK, so here is what happened: I went to watch the disc of this show (yes, I get to watch a disc of the show early so I can write about it) and when I put it in, it got stuck. It got stuck at the ending, so I was forced to watch the judging on the runway to be able to get the disc out of my computer and start it over again. I was horrified, HORRIFIED by what I saw. I couldn’t believe my eyes and thought certainly some explanation would occur during the show to make me believe that the impossible wasn’t happening. But it didn’t. Here is what I was so shocked by: The judges not only didn’t eliminate Emilio for the piece of trash he turned out, but he won (WON!) and was told by Michael Kors that it was the best garment of the season.

Hell has frozen over. Pigs are flying, and sharks are being jumped. The judging on “Project Runway” is officially a coin toss. Michael Kors is confused if he thinks that a hideous, stapled-together mishmash of red, black and white polka dots and stripes is anything more than a failing student project. My nine-year-old niece, Gigi, puts together more cohesive looks with bedsheets, tablecloths and old curtains, using a glue gun, safety pins and yarn. Maybe she should make a collection for Bryant Park. Yes, in case you couldn’t tell, I AM FUMING. What has this show come to? It’s not that Emilio isn’t talented; obviously, he is. But this is a COMPETITION. If you screw up, you lose. Yes, you lose ... get eliminated ... voted off the island.

Granted, the challenge was to make a high-fashion look based on the circus (dangerous territory if ever there was one) without (WITHOUT!) getting too costumey. They finally get two days to make something, and $300 to spend on it. Great designers have made fabulous couture shows with garish themes, but carried them off with an editing eye and some finesse, otherwise known as talent. The thing that makes me really sick is that now Emilio thinks he is a great designer.

Jay: The only wearable piece in the bunch, Jay’s tweed and leather pants were gorgeous (even Nina had to admit it) and were paired with a much too literal interpretation of a Michael Jackson-esque band jacket that was straight from the set of “Glee.”

Mila: Neon cartoon colors paired with this stand-up collar black and white striped frock coat made her model look like the little sister of the Queen of Hearts from “Alice in Wonderland.” So costumey, a costume shop would have a hard time renting it for Halloween.

Anthony: Poor Anthony; he just can’t get it right. This muted blue polyester gown with drag-queen wings would get Honorable Mention in a seventh-grade fashion show. He says he needs more time to get things right. Anthony, human beings only live so long, sweetie.

Emilio: STAND BACK, CAUSE HERE IT COMES ...

Emilio was so smug about this garment, it just goes to show he is all ego with no editing eye. This was made poorly, designed poorly, smacked horribly of the ’80s, the back was a tragedy (if ever there was a time for Heidi to say “pooing fabric,” it was in reference to this mess), and Michael Kors should have his judging card revoked for not puking when this came down the runway. It looked like a saloon girl costume for a production of “Oklahoma!” in a mental institution. Not high-fashion, not wearable, not anything but a poorly made, clumsy eyesore. There, I feel better.

Seth Aaron: Seth Aaron made a female couture version of the “Hamburglar.” Maybe with a few color tweaks, this could have skewed more couture and less Ronald McDonald. All that was missing was the red Afro.

All this mishigas on the day two of the designers will be eliminated and three will continue on to Bryant Park. All during this episode, I kept thinking how refreshing it will be to have only three designers definitively make finale collections, and two designers really will get sent home. But oh no, they decide to keep Emilio and Seth Aaron, eliminate Anthony, and leave either Mila or Jay to get the last swing of the ax. But Heidi swung the ax and hit herself in the foot, deciding both of them will make collections, but only one will compete in Fashion Week. Boy, somehow this all sounds so familiar to me. I’m going to go take a shower, because I’m feeling not-so-fresh.

See ya soon,
Chris