It's taken a lot to make me pause the loop of Episode 2 judge Mark Badgley saying: “It looks like a dirndl skirt” in order to write this recap, but here I go!
One of my absolute favorite parts about reality competition television shows, dating shows included, is when the contestants are given a hint at an upcoming challenge (or group date — YES, I WATCH “THE BACHELOR,” SUE ME) and they try to guess what the challenge may be. And they fail hilariously.
Example 1: A modeling competition. The aspiring models receive a card, one of them opens it and reads aloud: “You must be fine before the clock strikes 9, but beware: for you mustn’t whine!”
“We wear clocks!” one [aspiring] model yells out. “Yup. It says clocks, so we have to wear clocks. Or be them.”
Example 2: A dating competition. The aspiring wives receive a card, one of them opens it and reads aloud: “Dear Avery, [Avery squeals and mouths “me?” while the hot mean girl purses her lips and swills White Zin from her corner of the wicker furniture-decorated room] They say love is blind. Guess we’ll find out! Love, Rob.”
“You guys are probably going to bungee jump off of a bridge and then act out ‘The Notebook’ on segues and then feed each other pizza that you just made. All blindfolded.” Suggests a girl who’s trying not to cry.
At the top of last night’s episode, Angela Lindvall tells the designers that they’ll be creating a look for the biggest diva of them all. As the blogger/social media gal for “Drop Dead Diva,” I personally hoped for some Lifetime show-to-show integration. Austin thinks maybe it’ll be Madonna, Cher or Lady Gaga. Haha, silly, beautiful, golden-haired, god-like man, it’s not a flesh-and-blood woman. It’s Miss Piggy!
Minus Anthony and Mila’s reactions (snarky and icy, respectively), have you ever seen the designers so adorably giddy over a challenge before? Even April giggled and glowed like there was a sale on patterned black tights and shoulder pads at the Gaga emporium.
Maybe it’s because I grew up a huge “Shop ‘til You Drop” fan or because I’ll never get sick of the stock music used in most "Project Runway" shopping montages, but I love the crazed Mood shopping clips. Seeing the designers sketch or brainstorm in the workroom and then shop for fabrics in Mood are all such cool parts of the creative process and some of my favorite moments from “Project Runway” as a whole. And if you rewatch Episode 3, keep your eyes peeled for Austin’s sassy sunglasses/hair flip move on his way out.
In the workroom, the designers fool us all by pretending to be completely absorbed in work until they get to the private interviews and lash out at their fellow fasionisto/as: April accuses Kenley of making the same dress over and over again (In the words of Kenley during last night’s screening at the Paley Center: “That’s not true!” Also, talk about the kettle calling the pot black, or the black dress calling the polka dot dress poofy, or something.) Mila accuses Kenley and Kara of being too codependent (I’m neutral, but when Mila says the “T-Word” I get excited at the future prospect of a Team Challenge) and Michael says, for the second episode, that this will be Austin’s last challenge (how DARE you, sir!).
But designer-producer trash talk is nothing compared to the throwdown that really occurs when it becomes apparent that everyone wants the same rhinestone-studded heels and long hot pink silk gloves. Have these people never lived with roommates? I would have plastered anything I wanted to use with passive aggressive post-it notes (complete with smiley face endings, aka the WORST) first thing. Because obviously, dear sweet Kara, I’m not going to be the only one to size up that peal bracelet.
Finally, we're graced with Miss Piggy's presence on the judge panel. For this episode, Isaac Mizrahi's substitute is former-"Sex and the City" stylist, current "Gossip Girl" costume designer Eric Daman. There is a weird spark of something akin to sexual tension between Eric and Piggy that causes him to spar about the sow's ears and her to hi-ya him. I wonder if Georgina and Angela felt a little uncomfortable watching their strange, but beautiful song.
The Middle: Jerell’s dresses this week and last are stricken with the same terrible Bottom Half disorder; this one was a nighty-gone-bad below with a merely passable sheer black peekaboo top that looked ripped straight from his Episode 2 dress. I liked the black dresses, but Miss Piggy is not starring in any upcoming Tim Burton flicks (April) nor does she want to look oddly bottom heavy (Anthony). Mondo’s model’s hair was EVERYTHING. It was so insane that Wikipedia is listing it as the Eighth Wonder of the World, but you can’t verify it because of SOPA. You just have to take my word for it.
The Top: In the categories for dress design and accessories, Rami had the win, but I thought his polka dot organza print was better fit for a clown than Kermie’s main squeeze. If he had a more sophisticated, “expensive-looking” (what up, Nina!!) fabric, I think Michael would have had more competition, but Mr. Costello snagged a well-deserved victory with a sexy, shiny cocktail dress that I bet looked smashing on Miss Piggy. And, maybe with a little less bow-on-the-boob, on a lot of women, red carpet or not. The headpiece was fabulous, if a little derivative of Mondo's spherical head decor of yore. Kenley’s pink giraffe dress was fun (it looked like something the Muppet Madam would rock in a Nicki Minaj music video) but I can’t really blame Miss P for not wanting to wear the print of an animal skinnier than she.
The Bottom: As with all-to-most of Mila's clothing, my review is: "I'd wear it!" But that was no Miss Piggy look. I was sad that Austin’s kindred spirit and he did not see eye to snout past hula hoop practicality. His dress was gorgeously constructed, but I understood what the judges and Angela’s eyes said about the choice of color and fabric.
I loved your bows but
the flamboyant cocktail frock
didn’t please the pig.
The room I watched this episode in was full of “aw”s when Gordana left. I will so miss hearing her soothing voice, especially when saying “woman”/”vwho-myen," but her dress looked too much like a pretty nightgown plucked from the pages of "Valley of the Dolls" — very "Miss Piggy sipping martinis in her Hollywood mansion," not "Miss Piggy strutting the red carpet at a movie premiere."
Did you vote for your favorite designer on You Be the Judge last night? Did your #1 designer win last week? Share your Top and Bottom below!