Find out what relationship advice "The Vow" authors Denene Millner, Angela Burt-Murray and Mitzi Miller have for you in this exclusive Q&A.
WHAT'S ONE RED FLAG THAT A GUY ISN'T THAT INTO YOU?
Denene Millner (@mybrownbaby): There’s nothing worse when you put your all into showing a man that you care and he not only refuses to acknowledge the effort, but deliberately refuses to reciprocate your kindness. Men who do not care about you will do that: they won’t call, text or initiate any kind of intimate conversation, they won’t make plans for you to be together, they won’t respond to or will cancel any plans that you make to be together and they will show only passing interest in doing anything beyond having sex and leaving, to avoid any and all chances for intimacy. If a guy is doing these things to you, run girl. Run.
Angela Burt-Murray (@angelacocoafab): If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends then I don’t think he’s truly interested in you. Meeting his boys is a sign that he talks about you to his friends and that he wants you to get to know them. If you never meet his friends then perhaps he’s hiding the relationship.
Mitzi Miller (@mitzimoments): He doesn't state his intent to see you again before the end of your first date.
HOW WOULD YOU APPROACH A BLIND DATE?
Denene: Well, I’m a practical kind of woman who was raised by one James Millner, who, when I was dating, implored me to always go with my own money and transportation, so that if I felt like I didn’t want to be there, or the guy was crazy, I could leave. I’m super cautious that way, so I’d likely only allow an afternoon date, and it would be take place somewhere that would require us to really talk and engage—like an art exhibit or something else cultural. So I could gauge whether you’re an idiot.
Angela: I recommend having an open mind and just having fun with it. You never know where or when you’re going to meet THE ONE. I met my husband when a friend invited me to go to the movies with her and a friend. It was just a casual outing and who knew I’d meet the love of my life!
Mitzi: I approach blind dates with excitement! I love surprises and meeting new people so blind dates are right up my alley. And I'm so old school, I won't cheat the process by conducting a Google search beforehand. I want to be 100% in the moment.
SHOULD YOU DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT ONCE?
Denene: Well, I’m a practical kind of woman who was raised by one James Millner, who, when I was dating, implored me to always go with my own money and transportation, so that if I felt like I didn’t want to be there, or the guy was crazy, I could leave. I’m super cautious that way, so I’d likely only allow an afternoon date, and it would be take place somewhere that would require us to really talk and engage—like an art exhibit or something else cultural. So I could gauge whether you’re an idiot.
Angela: I think you should date more than one person but you should be honest with all parties so there aren’t any hurt feelings. And when things get serious enough with one and you cut off the others you should tell your partner.
Mitzi: Depends on how much time you have on your hands... If you have limited time for dating and meeting new people then I suggest honing in on the person that you think has the most potential. But if you realize that it isn't going to work, you have to immediately drop and run. There is not time for potential and second chances. Now, if you have a lot of time to devote to socializg, then date as many individuals as you can. The key is making sure that you can give each situation the attention it requires to figure out whether the relationship has long-term potential.
WHAT DO YOU WEAR ON A FIRST DATE?
Denene: I’m all for women showing up to the first day looking well put together and sexy. Now, I don’t mean you show up in six-inch heels and a ton of make-up and tousled hair and a short skirt, mind you. I mean you show up in what makes you feel sexy, confident and beautiful, because if that’s how you feel, that’s the way you’ll look to the guy you’re out on a date with. Who can resist a sexy, confident, beautiful woman?
Mitzi: Something fitted with a deep cut v-top and a huge smile.
HOW LONG IS TOO LONG TO BE IN AN RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT TALKS OF SERIOUS COMMITMENT (AKA MARRIAGE)?
Denene: I’m so not down for women dilly dallying in relationships that stagnate over the course of years. If dude hasn’t figured out within the first two years that he wants to move beyond simply dating, that’s not your dude.
Angela: I don’t think you can necessarily put a timeline on commitment because everyone isn’t the same. But if you start closing in on a decade of dating he or she may not be the one!
Mitzi: A moment past the point where you start to feel unhappy. My personal tolerance point is about a year. If we can't discuss marriage after a year, then what in the world are we even talking about?
HOW DO YOU SPICE UP AN EXISTING RELATIONSHIP?
Denene: This isn’t easy, and I can say that for sure having been married for almost 18 years. The truth of the matter is that when you’re with someone for so long, you get comfortable, you understand and respect each other’s quirks, and you can get so caught up in the day-to-day management of family and household that you forget about each other. Like, literally forget. And so you have to make a point of putting each other on your priority list and do the things that made you fall in love in the first place: date. Make a point of pleasing each other. Be spontaneous. Change it up a bit. And make a point of nourishing that part of yourself that treasures that alone time so that you can restock what you need to focus on what matters in your relationship.
Angela: Two words: Hotel Sex. Check in and put up the “Do Not Disturb” sign until it’s time to check out!
Mitzi: Surprises and random acts of kindness. From something as small as a greeting card with a sexy message to a surprise getaway vacation at a luxury hotel (or even a staycation at a local hotel if you can only get away for one night)... reminding your loved one that the thought of them still makes you want to turn up is vital to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.