Katy Hutchison is often asked why or how she forgave her husband’s killer. Read, in her own words, how she transformed her tragedy into her mission and overcame the seemingly insurmountable obstacles she faced along the way. Katy’s remarkable story of death, justice, forgiveness and love inspired the Lifetime original movie “Bond of Silence.”

By Katy Hutchison

My initial response to finding myself a family victim of violent crime
It was during the first interview I granted following Bob’s death that I realized I was not reacting the way society was expecting me to react. The reporter asked me what I wanted to see happen to the person or persons responsible for killing Bob. What I knew in my heart was I wanted to know everyone on all sides of the horrible tragedy would be OK. I didn’t want to witness any more violence or loss. It made no sense to me to allow myself to be consumed by hatred and vengeance. I had two children to raise, and was going to need my head and heart to be moving forward in a positive direction, fueled by positive energy. I’m sure many people misunderstood the way I felt, and thought I was not properly honoring Bob. Nothing could be further from the truth — I was devastated by his murder — but I wanted my life and the lives of our children to carry on inspired by the full and engaged way in which he lived and not the brutal and senseless way in which he died.

As a society, I think we try to put a huge distance between ourselves and those who cause harm. The reality is that the people who commit criminal acts are part of our community. On every side of a crime there are families. When bad things happen, many lives are affected; relationships are destroyed, family units split up and children are often neglected. So easily the downward spiral continues and the damage spreads. We expect “systems” to protect us. If schools cannot stop bullying, we call in the police. If the police cannot keep the peace, we look to the justice system. The justice system decides if incarceration is required. But eventually those who cause harm find themselves back in our communities; they may be our neighbors or our coworkers.

My experience as a family victim of violent crime taught me that taking an active role in the process brought much more healing than sitting back and letting the “system” do all the work. I wanted the people responsible for my husband’s death to be accountable, to get the help they needed to deal with issues of substance use and controlling their violent behavior, and to move on and lead healthy and productive lives. I couldn’t do anything to bring Bob back, but I could do my part in ensuring my community was as safe as possible for my children.

On choosing to meet the perpetrator
Asking the police for a chance to speak to the young man charged in Bob’s death was the first step in regaining that sense of control I lost the night he was killed. The meeting humanized a scenario that was so frighteningly inhuman.

I couldn’t envision what to expect when I walked though the door into the interrogation room at the police station. I was not prepared to find my self face-to-face with someone who could have been the boy next door — someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s best friend. As a mother, it was heart-wrenching to witness his fear and his pain. All I could do was ask him for answers and express my need for him to step up and tell the police what he knew.

Many victims of crime describe the experience as one of powerlessness. The opportunity to confront my husband’s killer gave me back my voice and a sense of control.