It's one thing to get a spouse to agree to couples counseling; it's another for the couple in question to actually get anything out of it once they're seated in front of a third party. (Even under the best of circumstances, hashing and rehashing what's gone wrong is not the most pleasant way to pass an hour.) Worse, when you've reached an impasse in your shrink's office, the mood - not to mention the chance for relationship survival - can turn positively grim.

"My husband told me that if I expected him to go in there and spill his guts, he would never do that!" reveals one frustrated Lifetime Online community member who tried couples counseling recently. "If he's not willing to take the steps to make this work, I honestly don't know why he's going!" The truth is, while experts say you can't convince a partner to try harder at therapy, you can improve your own participation, and maybe salvage your relationship in the process. Here are some tips to take to heart - and to your weekly sessions:

Be honest. Tell your man - up front - that you want to save the marriage. Some couples get so hung up on listing their grievances that they neglect to make this important point. "Say to him, 'I really value our relationship, but I want more than we have, and I want you to participate in therapy,'" says Rebecca Fuller Ward, a psychotherapist in Little Rock, Arkansas, and the author of "How to Stay Married Without Going Crazy."

Often, just expressing such a strong emotion will encourage your partner to be equally direct. And if he tells you he doesn't feel the same way? It will be painful, but ultimately, it will be better for you to get the truth on the table now, says Ward.

Acknowledge his emotions - and criticisms. Know that when a partner does choose to speak up, you won't always like what you hear. But try not to react negatively if he gets critical. "A woman may say, 'My husband never shares the way he feels,' and then one time, he'll finally open up, and it'll scare her so much that she'll lash out at him - and effectively send him back inward."

Indeed, some frightening things can come up in counseling; ideally, it should be a place for couples to share their deepest anxieties and vulnerabilities. "Any time a partner reveals his real feelings, there's a risk involved," says Ward, which is why "we all do things to get each other to shut up." So bite your lip and let your husband express his emotions - even if you have to take a dose of criticism along with it.

Be patient. Many problems take years to develop, so it makes sense that most fractured relationships can't be healed in just a few sessions. Sometimes, it takes weeks, even months, to unravel thorny issues. But as long as you're both still committed to the marriage, stick with the process. "Keep plugging away," Ward says, "and there will be breakthroughs."

Find the right therapist. Feel free to browse until you find the right fit, just like you would when searching for a gynecologist. If one of you doesn't have good chemistry with the counselor, consider a change.

Think about seeing someone on your own. Sometimes, working out your own issues in individual therapy can benefit the entire relationship. Or, do what Susan Page, a former Presbyterian minister who is now a relationships counselor in California, suggests: "Take a breather from therapy for a while and try to save the marriage on your own."