Are You a Work Martyr?

Essie Chambers stayed late almost every night, took on extra assignments and worked weekends as a television executive. She thought she was just doing her job, but really, the businesswoman in her mid-thirties was falling into a dangerous workplace trap. "I was a work martyr," Chambers confesses. "And ultimately, I burned myself out."

Many women believe that logging long hours will get them more recognition, according to Debra Condren, PhD, a business coach and author of "amBITCHous: A Woman's Guide to Earning Her Worth and Achieving Her Dreams." "But in reality, it's the opposite," she explains. "People lose respect for you if you don't set boundaries and limits." In fact, multiple studies have confirmed that taking small breaks throughout the day can actually increase your productivity. So if you're always attached to your BlackBerry and can't get through a Saturday without checking in, here's how to keep your sanity and still earn respect at the office:

Martyr trait: You compulsively say "yes" to your boss and end up buried in tasks.

"I took on so much that my boss thought I was capable of anything and called me at all hours of the night with Olympian-size requests," says Jamie, 25, who worked as an executive assistant. "Once, he asked me to call Air Traffic Control to see if I could get his flight to take off — in the middle of a huge snowstorm!"
Work it out: There are, in fact, graceful and professional ways to say "no." Turn the tables on your boss by using this script: I'm working on the following projects and have these deliverable dates to meet. Are you suggesting we reprioritize my workload? "It forces your manager to think more critically about the repercussion of adding more to your plate," Condren explains. "Nine times out of 10, your boss will outsource the work to someone else."

Martyr trait: You stay later than anyone else in your office to make sure that every last detail is perfect.

As a junior employee at a branding firm, 24-year-old Lizzie stayed late to quadruple-check minutiae. "I'd be there until all hours of the night to make sure for the hundredth time that the FedEx labels were correctly addressed."
Work it out: Stop using perfection as your standard. "Of course you need to be thorough, but it's better to turn in something that's 85-percent ready than to obsessively mull over insignificant details," says Condren. Plus, getting mired in the small stuff can distract you from focusing on the real priorities at hand.

Martyr trait: You never take a lunch or coffee break, so that you can finish every last morsel of work on your plate.

Amber, 28, runs her own business and is a recovering work martyr. "I used to drive myself crazy trying to do 100 percent of my work," she says. "I finally realized that you only need to get 80 percent done."
Work it out: In addition to implementing the "80-percent rule," try focusing on sustainable ambition. "It's the ‘conversion of energy' concept: Learn to say ‘no' so that you have the energy to give to your career over the long haul," advises Condren.

Martyr trait: You get singled out to stay late, come in on weekends or travel because you don't have a family.

When 27-year-old Lindsey worked for a nonprofit, she was asked to come in on a snow day when everyone else had the day off — but not because she was on a pressing deadline. "My boss told me I was singled out because I was the only person in the office who didn't have kids," she says.
Work it out: By singling you out to be a martyr, your boss is being disrespectful. To set a boundary, keep the conversation short. "You don't have to overexplain why you can't come in that day," says Condren. Just say, ‘I'm sorry, that won't work for me.'"