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Who Comes First: Your Mate or Your Kids?

Who Comes First: Your Mate or Your Kids?

by Pepper Schwartz, PhD

Striking the perfect wife-mother balance is tricky. Take this quiz to find out who gets more of your time and attention.

You've had __ nights away from your four-year-old for quality romantic time with your man.
1 of 7 questions

Option A

10 or fewer.

Option B

More than 10.

You and your partner have arranged a double date with your best friend and her new beau. As you're putting on your lipstick, your daughter announces that she needs your help studying for a test tomorrow. You:
2 of 7 questions

Option A

Cancel your dinner and stay home to study with your kid.

Option B

Tell your partner to go without you — you’ll stay home and help out.

Option C

Tell your daughter you can’t help her tonight because you’re going out.

Option D

Tell your daughter you’ll try to come home early to help her study.

Your son's hockey team made it to the semifinals and he wants you there to cheer him on. Your husband's family is coming in for a rare visit that same day, and your hubby really wants you to help entertain them. You:
3 of 7 questions

Option A

Invite your husband’s family to the game; if they decline, go to the game alone.

Option B

Invite your husband’s family to the game; if they decline, apologize to your child and visit with the in-laws.

Option C

Apologize to your husband and explain that your son needs you.

Option D

Apologize to your son and explain that his dad needs you.

It's 10:30 pm and your husband wants to make love. You're afraid the kids will hear you or walk in. You:
4 of 7 questions

Option A

Love the idea, lock the door and hope there are no kiddie interruptions.

Option B

Agree to do the deed, as long as both of you are extra quiet.

Option C

Just can’t do it, but you promise to be “in the mood” over the weekend when the kids are at tennis lessons.

Option D

Just can’t do it — you’re afraid the kids will be upset if they find out.

You and your husband have a special weekend planned, but then your child suddenly comes down with the flu. You:
5 of 7 questions

Option A

Delay your trip a day to see how your child is doing.

Option B

Cancel your trip to tend to your sniffly kid.

Option C

Get someone responsible to care for him, and go as.

Option D

Take your sick wee one with you.

Your son begs for a PlayStation; you say yes. But when your husband hears about it, he says no because of the expense. Your son is crushed and asks you to stand behind your original decision. You:
6 of 7 questions

Option A

Say OK and explain to your husband that you’ve made a commitment.

Option B

Tell your son you’ll try to change his father’s mind, but if you can’t, you can’t.

Which statement best describes your parenting style?
7 of 7 questions

Option A

“I’m the primary parent; my husband doesn’t do much with the kids.”

Option B

“I’m the primary parent during the week, but my husband does things with the children on weekends so I get time off.”

Option C

“My husband and I each spend a lot of time with the children, but we don’t usually do it together.”

Option D

“My husband and I co-parent throughout the week.”