Fempire Diaries

5 Reasons To Check Out Amy Schumer’s New Book

Mike Coppola/Getty Images for People.com

From her dysfunctional childhood stemming from her parents’ troubled marriage to her own abusive relationships, Schumer bares it all.  “I know my worth. I embrace my power. I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story. I will,” she writes. If that isn’t inspiring, what is? Need more? Here are a five reasons we think you should pick up or download a copy. 

1. She Gets Real (Like, Really Real)

Hey, even though Schumer has built a career on being relatable her life seems pretty movie star-ish right now with her films, accolades and cute boyfriend. But Schumer is honest. “I’m so sorry to disappoint anyone who thinks I walk around at all times with a margarita in one hand and a dildo in the other,” Schumer writes at the beginning of the book. “Maybe the misunderstanding comes from the fact that onstage, I group together all my wildest, worst sexual memories — which is a grand total of about five experiences over the course of thirty-five years.”

2. She Has Good Tips For Single Ladies

Schumer was single until recently (her boyfriend is Ben Hamisch) and she says she still finds it strange. “You have to ask questions like ‘What do you want for dinner?’ or ‘Can I have more of the blanket?’ or ‘Can I have more of your dinner?’ or ‘Can dinner be pigs in a blanket?’” But like most single gals, she still worried about dying alone. However, she doesn’t want that to be the impetus for lowering one’s standards. She writes upon realizing that she liked being single, “I wanted to run to the top of the Empire State Building and make an announcement to all [single women] … that they don’t need to wrangle some warm body to sit next to them just so they aren’t alone on holidays. That they should never let a magazine or dating site or matchmaker monster tell them they’re in a lower bracket of desirability because of their age or weight or face or sense of humor.”

3. She was in a really bad relationship

Schumer opens up about a very abusive relationship in her 20s. It was both physical and emotionally abusive.”I think somewhere in the course of our relationship, I started to confuse his anger and aggression for passion and love. I actually started to think that real love was supposed to look like that. The more you yelled at each other, the more you loved each other. The more physical and demeaning it got, the more you were really getting through to each other. And the more I was willing to stand by him, the more he’d understand I truly loved him and that we should be together forever.”

4. She doesn’t like elevator small talk

 “Talking to anyone I don’t know on an elevator. (I guess this counts as small talk, which i’ve mentioned several times as something I detest, but it’s even more unbearable in an elevator because you’re trapped!).” Good to know if you are ever in an elevator with her. 

5. She’s had some very interesting jobs

Before Amy became the Emmy Award winning creator of Inside Amy Schumer as well as a movie star and author she had quite a few interesting jobs including a basketball referee, a baby model, a child floor-show model, a shampoo girl, a pedicab driver, an aerobics instructor, a lesbian bar bartender and playing Gretl in The Sound of Music. Oh Amy!

It was a mixed week for Amy Schumer. It should have been great because her first book, a collection of essays called The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, was released. However, it was overshadowed by one of the writers on her show, Kurt Metzger, who went on a rant calling out women for making allegations of sexual assault about a fellow comedian, but not reporting them to police. As you can imagine, there was a very strong response on social media and Schumer was brought into the conversation.  However, you should not let this overshadow reading her book as it is sometimes hysterical but also brutally honest.  Way to go, Amy! 

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