Life Imitating “Art”? Ashton Kutcher (Aquarius) Accused of Cheating
Oh, how we hope it isn’t true. Newly minted “Two and a Half Men” star Aquarius Ashton Kutcher is making tabloid headlines for allegedly following in Charlie Sheen’s man-whoring footsteps. Rumor has it he’s cheated on his smokin’-hot Scorpio wife Demi Moore — on the eve of their sixth wedding anniversary, no less. Could it be? With stressful Mars in Leo, Ashton’s marriage house, it’s possible that the couple’s been fighting. With delusional Neptune (ruler of old vices and subconscious demons) in Aquarius, an old, shady side of Ashton may be rearing its head. If so, he’s feeling either insecure, ridiculously grandiose, or both. That said, Neptune also rules hidden enemies, rumors and lies … so it may be that as an Aquarius, he’s under attack for something he didn’t do. Extortion? Someone trying to take him down? Or his own foolish ego run amok? We’ll know soon enough.

Neptune is in Aquarius until February, and this will be a telling time for the couple. Aquarius rules Demi’s fourth house of home and family, and Neptune here is definitely causing a breach in her emotional foundation. The fourth house also rules women, so she should seek solace in her girlfriends and pro-woman activist projects. Jupiter, planet of expansion, is retrograde (moving backward) in Demi’s marriage house from August 30 through December 25. This is an important time for her to evaluate whether the relationship has run its course. It may need to be renewed on different, more expansive terms.

We know the haters will blame their age difference, but frankly, the Scorpio woman can run sexual circles around the Aquarius man, so whatevs. Here’s hoping that they work it out, because despite their egregious tweeting, we always thought they were a pretty cool couple.

It’s Over: Blake Lively (Virgo) and Leonardo DiCaprio (Scorpio) Split
Blake Lively of “Gossip Girl” spent the summer gallivanting around the globe, enjoying a whirlwind romance with Scorpio Leo DiCaprio. Now they’ve reportedly broken up. The Virgo-Scorpio combo is an easy one, but sometimes it’s a little TOO easy. The Scorpio man likes a challenge, and their easy compatibility may have left him a little bored. While friends predicted an engagement, turns out they were two ships passing in the night (sorry, had to slip in a Titanic reference somewhere) — which often happens between couples that are two signs apart. Maybe it’s time for Blake to try a new sign? Ex Penn Badgely is also a Scorpio. Maybe a Taurus next time around?

And They Call This News? Kristen Stewart (Aries) Admits She’s Dating Rob Pattinson (Taurus)
Right when the world stopped caring, vampire lover Kristen Stewart has fessed up to the press that she and R-Patz are dating. Well, good. This week, four planets are in Aries (including grown-up Saturn). Aries rules Kristen’s house of committed relationships, and with chatty Mercury here, it’s no surprise the relationship is now validated in print. We like the Aries woman-Taurus man couple. Other successful Aries woman-Taurus man combos include Victoria and David Beckham, and Ashley Judd and Dario Franchitti. The earthy, sensual Taurus is grounding for the Aries woman, and she provides the spice that his sign loves. Now, go forth and spawn some vampires, kids.