Special Edition: Aquarius Men Behaving Badly

A couple of weeks ago, we had Libras on the hook for some of the rebellious ways that they were acting out. This week, Aquarius men — most notably, Aquarians Kris Humphries and Ashton Kutcher — are in the hot seat.

The Aquarius man at his best is a humanitarian, best friend and champion of the underdog, and an all-around good dude. On poor behavior, he can be a crude, rude frat boy with a special knack for putting down women and even criticizing their bodies. Ugh!

We admit, we were ready to buy into the spoiled-princess hype about Libra Kim Kardashian at first. After the whole ostentatious "fairy tale" wedding, staged without so much as a nod to the recession, it seemed somehow justified that the marriage fell apart. But after watching the first episode of "Kourtney & Kim Take New York," we remembered that real fairy tales always have a dark and sinister undertone — and this one was no different. But in a twist, it turns out the handsome prince may have been a beast all along.

Sure, they didn't exactly set things up for success. The couple's living conditions weren't newlywed-perfect (sharing a duplex with sister Kourtney, her boyfriend and a toddler). Still, Kris exhibited some jerky behaviors from the start, like intentionally leaving the room messy to piss off Kim, pushing her down on the bed "playfully" and being totally unsupportive at a Welcome to New York party. Apparently, the episodes only get worse from there (he's rumored to have called her "fat ass"!).

Then, there's Aquarius Ashton Kutcher, who allegedly hooked up with a 22-year-old on the eve of his sixth wedding anniversary to Demi Moore. Reports have surfaced of an open relationship, which is certainly something that might work for an unconventional Aquarius — but for a possessive Scorpio woman? Maybe not so much. If indeed the couple had such an arrangement, we suspect it may have worked out better for him than for her.

A word of warning to ladies racing to the altar with a younger fella: We advise waiting until after their Saturn return (a period between 27 and 30 years of age) to wed if you can. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but the Saturn return is a period of maturity that everyone goes through in preparation for the true tests of adulthood. Both Ashton and Kris married at 26, before going through this passage. The immaturity definitely shows.

So why did these seemingly solid citizens turn into such raging jackholes? Seedy Neptune's final dip into Aquarius (August 2011-February 2012) may be to blame. Neptune can bring out insecurities and passive-aggressive behaviors. A little jealousy and acting out toward the older and more experienced wives, perhaps? Aquarians' ruling planet, rebellious Uranus, is also retrograde from July 9 to December 9, making them behave like bratty, reckless teenagers. Will they come to their senses? That remains to be seen. Perhaps the Gemini lunar eclipse on December 10 will bring a little more information to light.